ENTRIES & WINNER FOR DATING DISASTERS & OTHER FUNNY STORIES

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We Have A Winner Lynne Armitage

And Here Is Her Story....

The DATE and I had spoken via match.com for a few weeks and I eventually agreed to meet him for dinner downtown. We agreed to meet at a popular watering hole first. When I arrived I was relieved to see his physical profile had been fairly accurate. A bit too much gold, skin and shiny materials but I am a firm believer in the axiom that the only thing you can change about a man is the way they dress, so no problem, right? I was also surprised to see 3 or 4 empty beer bottles on the table, but gave him the benefit of the doubt and blamed slack waitstaff for not clearing the table before he sat down. We had one drink there and moved on to dinner just down the street. The DATE had selected a small and charming restaurant with an attached lounge/live music area.
Shortly after we ordered dinner and a bottle of wine I began to have doubts. The DATE had been very complimentary at first but now his remarks were veering down a racier path. When he very loudly and repeatedly announced his superior skills at performing a certain sexual act, I noticed the rest of the restaurant was paying a lot of attention to our conversation. Some were amused, others offended but all watching the scene unfold. I am very non-confrontational but I still clearly explained to him more than once I thought his conversation was completely inappropriate. The DATE thought that was very funny and called for more wine. I had only had about a 1/2 glass of the first bottle and was thinking of how soon I could leave.
Over the next hour the DATE was outrageously rude to the restaurant staff, talked non stop about how great he was at everything and continued to try to have very sexually explicit conversation. To make it all worse he got louder and louder. By now every single person in the restaurant from patrons to staff knew just what a jerk he was. It was practically a pity-party for me and I was amazed he didn't notice.
Finally, dinner was over and I couldn't wait to leave. Unfortunately he hadn't finished his wine (go figure) and wanted to do so in the lounge. The music sounded great but all I was thinking about was how close I was to escape. No sooner did we sit down than he inhaled his entire glass of wine, choked a bit and proceeded to spray the entire thing all over me- through his nose! Yes, it was red and of course I was wearing white. Did you know that 8 ounces of red wine sprayed through a nose creates a fine but thorough mist that can completely soak you from hair to knees? The manager and bartender immediately handed me towels to clean my face, hair and clothes. He however thought it was hysterical and actually grabbed the towels away, screeched that I didnt need them and threw them over his head, hitting another patron in the face!
As you can imagine at this point I was DONE. (Ok so most people would've bolted a while ago, but I mentioned the non-confrontational part, right?) Anyhow, I said good night through gritted teeth and started out the door. He tried to physically put me back in the chair and started yelling that I couldn't leave because we had to go back to his hot tub! As if! So the manager walked me to my car while the bartenders physically held him back.
Good riddance, I thought! Not so, the DATE called me 12 times the following day to find out what we were going to do that night. His last message actually said "How can I make our plans if you won't call me back? Hurry up or I won't perform >previously mentioned sexual act< tonight!". I changed my number the same day.




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[Punum]

I met a man for a first, blind date at a restaurant. He was nothing like his photo...I met him on Match and we had only spoken. I was willing to give him a chance and have a drink with him. After the drink I was ready to leave and he was persistent that I have dinner with him. I told him there wasn't a match here but he said that was fine. We could be just friends. During dinner he seemed uncomfortable when I talked about other male friends or relationships I had in my life. He would not let me pay the bill and then said we should stay and listen to the band that was getting ready to play. I said only for a few minutes then I was going to leave. While waiting for the band to start he mentioned me and the other men in my life again. He said that once we were together there would be no other men in my life. I told him I would never give up my male friends for any man. He then asked me if I had any money on me? I said I had a credit card, why, what did he need? He said he made a mistake and wanted me to pay for the dinner, drinks, etc. I told him I did not have the cash on me but would be happy to send him a check. He got so upset the staff were concerned. I got up and left. He followed me into the parking lot and tried to run me down. I had to call the police because I was afraid he would hit me or worse....follow me home. He took off and I never saw or heard from him again. Thank goodness!!!! You never know what type of people are out there. That is the only horrible, dangerous, date I have ever had. The rest were usual things like not looking like the pic or overstating what there lives were really all about.
Paige

[Kathy Whyte]

When I lived in Maryland an acquaintance set me up with a guy who was ultimate rude dude. We met at a restaurant for lunch, and he immediately directed me into the smoking section at the bar, so he could smoke the whole time. He yelled at the waiter twice about ridiculous things like how his ice wasn't the way he wanted it. No sooner did his cell phone ring which he answered and talked for over 20 minutes about how everyone at work was a jerk and that HE was the only one who had a handle on things. After he hung up, I heard the whole conversation again from him. Then he noticed my hands and wanted to know why I wasn't wearing nail polish and said that he only likes women who are manicured. His cell phone rang 3 more times and he answered and talked each time. Then he talked about how this one woman was still so in love with him but he just wasn't ready for a commitment. I couldn't wait to go back to work. The only other date I ever had that might have matched that one was my senior prom. He didn't ask me to dance even once and he wore the cumberbun from his tux on his head. I found out later he had been snorting coke in the men's room.
--Kathy Whyte

[Tiffanie]

Jeez I have to pick just ONE bad date? LOL! Ok, so I met this guy on a website (no shock there) who was in a band. He was wayyy heavier than he was in his pic but not bad looking and pretty nice. I met him at his house where he showed off his star wars collection (uh-huh) then we went to diner at a place on St. Armands (he was trying to impress me because I mentioned I liked this particular place). Convo wasn't bad (I get along with most everyone) but he kept interrupting me to tell me that he was the one who was suppose to have the prettiest eyes in the relationship (um - I think that was a compliment). Anyhow - I began picking up on his ego but let it slide. Went back to his house and watched a stupid movie (Scary Movie I) then I left. After giving him three more chances (he tagged along to the beach where he dove into the waves many times during our convo and said he liked to sit a certain way to make himself look slim; tagged along with me to Wal-Mart where he proceeded to take gel off the shelf, use it, then put the now used can back on the shelf; and then to see his band play in which I brought along a friend to give me the reality check I desperatly needed at this point...). After attempting to let him down easy he blasted me with a nasty email saying he felt sorry for me because the last guy I dated hurt me so much that I have a cold heart and will never find anyone because I'll never let anyone get close enough to me (my previous boyfriend was a sweetie, we just couldn't get our timing right and I have since been in two very long relationships that had thier ups and downs as most do). Seriously - what planet was this guy from? I gave him a few chances, tried not to judge and let him down easy...and he felt sorry for moi???

[WQ|mag Admin]

Hi Tiffanie, You must be really nice! First of all-This is the dad in me saying this. You met this guy online, you should have met him at a place where there were other people around! Don't go to his house. Plus, what kind of guy is he making you come to his house the first time you have ever met him. What a jerk. Secondly, When you saw his Star Wars collection you should have ran, ran and never looked back!! I am not going to go into thirdly and so on, but I could. The nice thing is that he was kind enough to feel sorry for you! That makes me laugh sooo much:) Thanks, Wes

[Kathy Whyte]

Tiffanie, may the force be with you!


Tiffanie said:

Jeez I have to pick just ONE bad date? LOL! Ok, so I met this guy on a website (no shock there) who was in a band. He was wayyy heavier than he was in his pic but not bad looking and pretty nice. I met him at his house where he showed off his star wars collection (uh-huh) then we went to diner at a place on St. Armands (he was trying to impress me because I mentioned I liked this particular place). Convo wasn't bad (I get along with most everyone) but he kept interrupting me to tell me that he was the one who was suppose to have the prettiest eyes in the relationship (um - I think that was a compliment). Anyhow - I began picking up on his ego but let it slide. Went back to his house and watched a stupid movie (Scary Movie I) then I left. After giving him three more chances (he tagged along to the beach where he dove into the waves many times during our convo and said he liked to sit a certain way to make himself look slim; tagged along with me to Wal-Mart where he proceeded to take gel off the shelf, use it, then put the now used can back on the shelf; and then to see his band play in which I brought along a friend to give me the reality check I desperatly needed at this point...). After attempting to let him down easy he blasted me with a nasty email saying he felt sorry for me because the last guy I dated hurt me so much that I have a cold heart and will never find anyone because I'll never let anyone get close enough to me (my previous boyfriend was a sweetie, we just couldn't get our timing right and I have since been in two very long relationships that had thier ups and downs as most do). Seriously - what planet was this guy from? I gave him a few chances, tried not to judge and let him down easy...and he felt sorry for moi???

[Jody]

I’ve got lots of funny stories, but I’ll stick to the latest. I recently met a man for dinner after emailing and chatting for a couple weeks. He was nice, good looking, friendly. We had a good time, and took an evening walk on the beach after dinner. He said he wanted to cook me dinner a couple nights later. I had a business meeting, and I called as I left it to say I’d be there in 20 minutes (at the time we had planned). I wasn’t sure which was his apartment, so I called again once in the parking lot. He said, “You’re here already? I was just getting in the shower. Hold on – I’ll put on some clothes and come to the door.” When I walked through the front door, I was greeted by a pungent odor, but not from aromatic spices wafting from a meal on the stove. The place REEKED of cat pee. There were five full trash bags lining the hallway. He told me he had been cleaning all day. Wow, I can just imagine what the place looked like BEFORE he “cleaned.” The carpet looked like it hadn’t been touched by a vacuum in years, and the kitchen was dirty. He ran upstairs to shower, then came back to grab a blanket out of the dryer. He ran that upstairs to make his bed. Meanwhile, I was being entertained by a rerun on the television and one of the cats that liked to chase hair elastics. He came back, took a bag of frozen pizza bites out to cook for our dinner, and poured me a glass of room-temperature white wine. (You think I’m making this up, don’t you? No!) We sat on the couch as “dinner” was cooking, and I pretended to be enjoying “Home Improvement” on the TV as he amused the cat with a laser pointer. He put his arm around me and told me he was crazy about me.
My cell phone rang. Talk about being saved by the bell! I said I had to take the call, and after I hung up, I told him it was serious and I had to leave. That was honest – the call was a serious one from a good friend, and it upset me. But was I ever grateful for the easy escape. Guys, if you’re wanting to make a good impression, be sure you have some Lysol for your kitchen, vacuum for your carpet, and a can of Febreeze! Oh, and Chinese takeout is usually a better idea than a frozen snack food.

[WQ|mag Admin]

That's just gross. The cat pee would have done it for me. As soon as the door opened and I smelled it I would have been gone! Wes

[Joan Aaronson]

A friend introduced us. She told me he was very wealthy, a nice guy and single. We met at a concert and that evening he took me and some friends to a Thai Restaurant. It was not any restaurant it was 9:30 PM and closed. He knocked on the door and they opened the restaurant and greeted him with his special pair of chop sticks. He ordered for everyone. There was tons of food left. There were doggie bags for all the ladies. The evening ended with a passionate kiss and a phone call 10 minutes later asking me out to dinner the next night.

It was Italian food. He requested a certain waitress and once again ordered all the food. At dinner he told me his father had given him 5 million dollars to enjoy before his death and after he was to inherit another 30 million.

An attempt to be romantic crashed and burned as he was to get a Charlie horse in his leg. One could confuse that with an orgasm but at my age I knew it was pain. At another attempt the same thing only the other leg persisted. Not being of the patient type of personality the event was over when it had just gotten started. The curious dog did not help matters for him but for me it was a miracle from God i.e. dog spelled backwards. I suppose the dog could have left the room as he requested but as my brilliant brother suggested that would cost 1.5 million. In other words that wasn't going to happen. The dog stays.

I guess it was sweet revenge because the next day I was invited on a friend's boat. I thought I would impress my friends by bringing my date. I invited the new boyfriend who I hardly knew for 36 hours to come for the ride on their boat. He did not shut up for 2 min. the whole time. The boat owners played music, the talking got louder. He asked if he had been talking too much. I answered "Why yes, and I am having a panic attack", I went to the back of the boat in a panic. It gave me a moment to ask myself if I had to be the center of attention which I clearly was not. "Got a cork and some duct tape?" one friend asked.
We took the boat to his place overlooking the Gulf. He referred to it as His "Pussy Palace".

We arrived at the Pussy Palace which was under construction. Let me show you the pent house view up here first. It was 10 stories up. I wondered if I were to jump if I would die or just become paralyzed. No I thought it would be spectacular but clearly not worth it in the long haul.

It was time to see his place. A $7,000 toilet is going here and in here. A shower with 16 jets is going to go here... We got back in the boat the talking never stopping but you could see everyone was impressed. Well, maybe we can put up with the chatter the host said. After all we are very quiet. Cocktail hour at the host’s house and on the way home he had an attack of TMJ. Do you suppose it was from all that talking?

[Lynne Armitage]

The DATE and I had spoken via match.com for a few weeks and I eventually agreed to meet him for dinner downtown. We agreed to meet at a popular watering hole first. When I arrived I was relieved to see his physical profile had been fairly accurate. A bit too much gold, skin and shiny materials but I am a firm believer in the axiom that the only thing you can change about a man is the way they dress, so no problem, right? I was also surprised to see 3 or 4 empty beer bottles on the table, but gave him the benefit of the doubt and blamed slack waitstaff for not clearing the table before he sat down. We had one drink there and moved on to dinner just down the street. The DATE had selected a small and charming restaurant with an attached lounge/live music area.
Shortly after we ordered dinner and a bottle of wine I began to have doubts. The DATE had been very complimentary at first but now his remarks were veering down a racier path. When he very loudly and repeatedly announced his superior skills at performing a certain sexual act, I noticed the rest of the restaurant was paying a lot of attention to our conversation. Some were amused, others offended but all watching the scene unfold. I am very non-confrontational but I still clearly explained to him more than once I thought his conversation was completely inappropriate. The DATE thought that was very funny and called for more wine. I had only had about a 1/2 glass of the first bottle and was thinking of how soon I could leave.
Over the next hour the DATE was outrageously rude to the restaurant staff, talked non stop about how great he was at everything and continued to try to have very sexually explicit conversation. To make it all worse he got louder and louder. By now every single person in the restaurant from patrons to staff knew just what a jerk he was. It was practically a pity-party for me and I was amazed he didn't notice.
Finally, dinner was over and I couldn't wait to leave. Unfortunately he hadn't finished his wine (go figure) and wanted to do so in the lounge. The music sounded great but all I was thinking about was how close I was to escape. No sooner did we sit down than he inhaled his entire glass of wine, choked a bit and proceeded to spray the entire thing all over me- through his nose! Yes, it was red and of course I was wearing white. Did you know that 8 ounces of red wine sprayed through a nose creates a fine but thorough mist that can completely soak you from hair to knees? The manager and bartender immediately handed me towels to clean my face, hair and clothes. He however thought it was hysterical and actually grabbed the towels away, screeched that I didnt need them and threw them over his head, hitting another patron in the face!
As you can imagine at this point I was DONE. (Ok so most people would've bolted a while ago, but I mentioned the non-confrontational part, right?) Anyhow, I said good night through gritted teeth and started out the door. He tried to physically put me back in the chair and started yelling that I couldn't leave because we had to go back to his hot tub! As if! So the manager walked me to my car while the bartenders physically held him back.
Good riddance, I thought! Not so, the DATE called me 12 times the following day to find out what we were going to do that night. His last message actually said "How can I make our plans if you won't call me back? Hurry up or I won't perform >previously mentioned sexual act< tonight!". I changed my number the same day.

[WQ|mag Admin]

What I want to know is, did the red wine come out of your dress! Wes

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[Elsie M Gilmore]

Wow. Out of all the guys I dated through Match.com, I am very glad I missed the one Lynn went out with. Or maybe I left before the fun started. ;-)

Thankfully my experiences were mostly just amusing and depressing, not so much dangerous.