Is There A Stranger...

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In Your Bedroom-CYBERSEX REVEALED

Unbeknownst to Jan, her husband spends hours every day looking at pornography on the internet and masturbating. Pat’s husband looks at pornography as well…of men, some of which he eventually meets. Beth’s husband chats online with married women who are looking for some action outside their marriage. They eventually meet in person -- for sexual contact, of course. Kathy’s husband contacts prostitutes online prior to his business trips to arrange encounters. Sue looks at porn with her husband; he convinces her it would be stimulating to their relationship to watch her have sex with another man. They find the man online. Ann’s husband persuades her to meet couples he’s “met” online and swap partners. She eventually seeks therapy because of her discomfort with her own behavior. Sound bizarre? It’s not. Stories like these are all too common these days. If you relate to any of the examples given above, you may be living with a cybersex addict.

Here are some warning signs this could be happening in your relationship:

Perhaps it wasn’t your partner you recognized in the above description; perhaps it was you. Forty percent of online problem behavior is linked to women.

While the internet has made many positive changes in our lives, it has been epidemically damaging to relationships. More than 60% of all internet visits involve a sexual purpose. Partners of cybersex addicts are often blindsided by the discovery. Other women deny the signs of a cybersex addiction. They think, “He’s just looking at pictures; it’s not a real live person,” or “At least, he’s not bothering me.” Yet cybersex addiction is a very real and destructive addiction which can lead to enacting the same behaviors offline. It has been referred to as “the new crack cocaine.” Recovery can be even more difficult because drugs leave the body and pornographic images remain in one’s head. Scientists have discovered the brain is altered in unexpected ways. Once addicted, the brain escalates in its needs for novelty, meaning that sex with a real live partner does not give the same high. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that you need to compete with these images; you can’t.

If you suspect your partner has a cybersex addiction, stand firm on the need for consistent treatment. Counseling with a professional skilled in sex addiction is critical, and recovery generally takes 3-5 years. Few things are as devastating as the discovery of a partner’s sex addiction. If you are one of those women who discovers a stranger in your bedroom, read “After the Discovery: Living with a Sex Addict” which will be posted tomorrow on this site and seek professional support.

by Amy Warren, LMHC

[Bonnie Gray]

I know of several people dealing with this. This is so common that they use THAT as an excuse. "Yeah - me and 80% of the Rest of the men on the planet. so YOU must be the one w/ the problem." Or how about "those aren't REAL women- they are cyber people and are no threat to you and to our relationship." Another symptom- WEBCAM. It's heartbreaking. All of the women I know in this situation were surprised to find their mate would do this...

[Connie Akdas]

This article is so true I lived with this problem with my husband for over 7 years and now I am going through a divorce. It really does screw the mind up and they really change. The list above I could identify with everyone of them. So girl if the guy has a little bit of this problem it will grow to a much bigger problem remember it is an addiction.