Ask Lisa...

[admin]

THE DATING COACH

Dear Lisa, I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. I moved back with my parents temporarily because we were fighting a lot. While I was home, he was seeing this girl he works with. I was really upset about everything even though she said she never slept with him. She assured me that she would never talk to him, but lately she has been calling him again. I don’t want to put up with this, what can I do to get this girl to stop calling my boyfriend?
Threesome

Dear Threesome,
What can you do to get her to stop calling your boyfriend?
Get a new boyfriend.

I never understood why many women, smart women, when faced with a cheater will blame the girl he’s cheating with. Maybe it’s some short-circuit in our hardwiring. Like, Gee, my man is banging somebody else and that is…hmm…the fault of the complete stranger who doesn’t know me? Or my darling who swears he loves me but has problems keeping his pants zipped? It’s her fault! That slut!

He is the one with the commitment to you, not her. She’s just someone who happens to sleep with other peoples’ boyfriends. Frankly, her type are like roaches. You can squish one if you catch her, but there are always more. And unfortunately, your boyfriend is the roach motel.

Also, just where is your guy while all of these calling/not calling negotiations are going on? If anyone’s going to get this chick off the phone, it’s got to be him. If he were serious about his relationship with you, he’d quit being such a two-timer and end it. It’s my guess he likes the attention. And maybe, he likes having his girlfriend crazy all the time about what he’s doing, and frankly, who he’s doing.
What do you do? My advice is to dump him. Tell him to pack his CDs, ratty t-shirts and his condom collection and hit the street. You were already fighting all the time, he cheated on you, and now he’s adding insult to tramps by disrespecting your feelings and keeping in contact with her. You deserve to be with someone you can trust, and frankly, once someone cheats on you, it’s pretty hard (and not too smart) to trust him again. Why make yourself crazy? There’s someone out there who will love, adore and respect you, who will not screw around. Find that guy, he’s a lot more fun. And check yourself out of the roach motel.

XO,
Lisa

Sarasota Dating Coach Lisa Daily is the author of STOP GETTING DUMPED! and HOW TO DATE LIKE A GROWN-UP. Lisa is the dating expert on DAYTIME TV, a nationally-syndicated morning TV show. You've also seen Lisa on E! News, Cosmopolitan and on the HITCH movie DVD starring Will Smith. Ask Dating Coach Lisa Daily a question at http://www.lisadaily.com/datingexperttv

[winifred j. rush]

Great advise. I might add that her boyfriend and other woman do NOT have have to be "sleeping together" (another way to say having sex?) to be having an affair. It may be just an emotional "high" but it is outside of the committed relationship. wjr

[winifred j. rush]

see other comment-tried to edit 1 & became another comment...

[Bonnie Gray]

Maybe there's NOT someone out there who will love and adore and respect you as you fully deserve. You are still better off with your own company than with someone who does not treat you well. The wrong guy is always the wrong choice.