Dating and Relationship Tip of the Week: Face Reality

[Amy Warren, LMHC / WQ Mag Columnist]

Do you pick up the phone to call or text when someone doesn’t call you as expected or show up on time? Do you try to stop yourself from feeling anxious when someone isn’t following through with what he said he would do? Do you try to intervene in order to prevent your own discomfort? Are you someone who doesn’t bring up certain subjects because you fear your loved one’s reactions? Do you keep your dissatisfactions to yourself rather than invoke anger from your mate? If you answered “yes” to any of these questions, then you are likely trying to manipulate reality so you don’t have to face the truth of it. By attempting to prevent yourself from feeling bad now, you are destined to feel much worse later. No matter how much you try to avoid it, one day reality will hit home. It’s much preferable to face reality now than to harbor years of entrenched resentment that will inevitably surface.

Face reality now. Stop intervening. Give people a chance to show you who they really are and how they really behave. Learn to sit with the discomfort of a silent phone ring or the loneliness of an empty house. Dare to rock the boat when you are unhappy by taking a stand for what you want. Stop trying to manipulate people and circumstances so you don’t have to feel the letdown when things don’t go your way. Allow yourself to see whether you are with someone who is ultimately going to disappoint you or whether you are with someone who is going to come through for you. Only then will you be true to yourself and to your relationship.

Amy Warren is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Master Certified Relational Life Therapist. She counsels individual and couples in her private practice in Sarasota and nationwide by phone. Amy also facilitates relationship skills workshops.