Do Your Communication Skills Need a Tune-Up?

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Have you ever thought you were a “great person”, only to find that people shy away from you? Are you the one that asks others out for coffee and they never return the favor? Do people refuse offers of doing something together with you? Have you ever wondered why that is?

It might be because of any number of reasons, but one might simply be your style of communication. Could there be anything about the way you communicate that could be turning people off?


Analyze your Communication Style

None of us want to be the bragger or know-it-all person at the party, but without realizing, we may be coming off that way. Use this test exercise to get a picture of how others perceive you.

Communication Test: The next time you’re in a social setting observe your communication and behavior. In conversation, are you tempted to jump in and cut people off mid-sentence? Do you find yourself wanting to be the one doing all the talking? Are you tempted to say something negative or critical? Do you gossip?

There’s a rule in life which says if a person gossips about someone else, chances are they gossip about you too. As fun as it may feel at the time, it isn’t a good character trait to have. Getting a reputation of being a gossip only works against you. People perceive a gossip as someone they can’t trust with their own reputation. People may avoid you for that reason alone.

As much as you feel you’re being helpful by offering your “expertise”, no one wants to be around a “know-it-all” either. No one wants their opinions squashed or the conversation dominated. People feel diminished when they are involved with dominating personalities, and they will begin to avoid them at all costs.


Help for Becoming a Better Communicator

Making small changes to your communication style may help you earn or sustain respect, and may be useful in salvaging already-damaged relationships. If you want to become a reformed gossip, braggart or know-it-all, and improve your communication skills, here are some tips:

-Be open to other’s opinions

-Look for what they can teach you

-Give them the floor; let them shine

-Laugh at their jokes

-Listen to their stories without trying to top them

-Ask questions to show you’re interested in what they have to say

-Focus on listening

-Resist the temptation to offer solutions

-When you agree, say so

-Use complimentary words, such as "you’re EXACTLY right", or "that is a GREAT idea"; or “I like that.”

-Resist jealousy

-Build others up with encouragement

-say good things about others to other people


Whether you think you need a communication-skill tune-up or not, good communication skills are valuable all through life. If you’re fortunate, you can make it through life without being bossy, annoying or someone to avoid.

By Joy R. Calderwood