How Do You Cope With the Loss of a Loved One?

[Punum]

Whether it’s a family member, friend or a pet, we all deal with the loss of someone close to us at some point in time.

A week ago today I lost my little girl Bessie. She was my daughter with 4 legs and a tail. I knew the time was near since she had cancer and had been fighting it for a long time. Even though I tried to prepare myself, when the time came, I felt like I was completely unprepared. I have to confess, I have had ferrets for over 20 years. They are prone to certain cancers and illnesses, so I am always aware that they will not live very long when I get one. I can’t help it, they are like potato chips, you can’t love just one.

I spent the last night tossing and turning, knowing it was my last night with her. I kept hugging her as much as I could until she gave me a look that said, “Leave me alone, I’m trying to sleep!”

The next morning I took her to the veterinarian for her final visit. When we came home I was consumed with making sure her resting spot, next to her soul mate Herb, was just perfect. For that period of time, my life seemed normal. As soon as I came in the house my world fell apart.

I realized that I had lost two of the closest loves of my life over the past 18 months. For two days after the burial I don’t remember any of the phone conversations I had. I also didn’t realize all of the emails and posts I had responded to. It was like someone invaded my body and took over for 48 hours.

With the help of friends I got out of the house and kept busy this weekend. I even helped the local Greyhound rescue. It helped, until I come home and went into my bedroom. That’s where my kids lived with me. I have not been able to clean, or move, any of the things Bessie used. I am not sure how long that process takes. When Herb died, Bessie was here to console me and I did the same for her. We made a great team. Now I don’t have a team.

I will be ferret sitting for 2 ferrets later this week while their owners are on vacation. I have also decided to do more sitting for other ferret owners and dog owners. Right now I’d feel guilty if I were to get another animal. My heart is raw.

One friend sent this question to me, and it helped put things in perspective: “Honey, if you had the choice of giving up the short time you had with this precious one for the way you feel right now, would you?” Of course my answer was NO, but I miss my kids!!!

I would like to know how other people deal with the loss of their pet? I am sure everyone deals with the loss in many different ways.

THERE ARE TWO CUTE VIDEOS HERE

[Fran A. Wood]

The loss of a pet is one of life's most significant and painful losses. We tend to be more emotionally vulnerable with our pets. So we feel the loss deeply---right in the core of our emotions. It's extremely difficult to lose a loved one, human or animal. But with human losses, we have ritual and societal support---friends gathering arround for support, bringing food, sending flowers, coming to the visitation and funeral. When a pet dies, we feel isolated and alone. Yes, there are some pet-loving friends who understand all too well, but society as a whole doesn't give so much support. And in human relationships, we aren't as emotionally vulnerable as with pets, so we tend to rein in our emotions better. My father died in 1984, and my dog Charlie died about ten years later. I seemed to accept my father's death in my deep emotions easier than I accepted Charlie's death. I didn't wail, cry and give free vent to my emotions when Daddy died. But when Charlie died, wow! The emotional flood gates opened and tears, extreme grief, sorrow, remorse (I was out of town when he died)---every emotion you can think of poured out of me. Yes, even joy and laughter. When you remember your little friends, you too will laugh as you think of joyous times with them. I am so sorry for your loss. If you will let me know how to reach you, I'll be glad to give you a copy of my book, What My Dog Taught Me About God. Just fill out the contact information at my website: www.BooksByLemonTree.com, and I'll send you a complimentary copy of the book. While it doesn't deal with loss of a pet in particular---Bandit, the hero, is still alive and well---it does deal with grief and loss, and I think it will help you. I am so sorry for your loss. Please accept my sincere sympathy. I will pray for you. God bless you.