Relationship and Dating Tip of the Week: Reinforce Baby Steps

[Amy Warren, LMHC / WQ Mag Columnist]

Everyone has ideas about what they wish the man or woman in their life would do differently. Whenever you notice this person begin to do something that you’ve been wishing he or she would do, give positive reinforcement. Even if what he or she is doing is only a semblance of what you would like, make sure to express appreciation for the effort. Name the specific behavior you’d like to see more of, without derailing him or her about the part he or she didn’t do. Save that conversation for a different time. A baby step can be the beginning of long strides, so treat it as such. If you want to see more of something, you absolutely must amplify the progress.

Too often, people in long-term relationships use progress made in baby steps as an opportunity to bring up all the times that it wasn’t done right. If you only find fault, your partner has no reason to want to continue to make the effort and will likely resort to old patterns. Focus on positive reinforcement, and you will likely see your partner inch closer and closer to your desires.

For singles, utilizing this relationship tip while dating will help guide your date down the path to your heart. And if he’s really interested, he’ll follow. If not, it’s probably not a relationship you would want anyway.