Relationship Tip of the Week: Don’t Be a Pest

[Amy Warren, LMHC / WQ Mag Columnist]

I often hear people in relationship say things to each other like, “I was just trying to annoy you.” “I knew it would irritate you; I was only being funny.” What these statements are really saying is “I know the things that upset you, and I am purposely doing them.” That statement doesn’t sound loving, does it? And it’s not.

Healthy relationships are about cherishing each other. It is never cherishing to intentionally do something that you know your partner won’t like. Often such behaviors are passive-aggressive, a form of retaliation. Tragically, many of the people who tolerate such behaviors are the same people who weren’t treated in a cherishing way as a child. They don’t even realize they are being mistreated because “it’s all in fun.”

Sometimes the behaviors are meant in fun, and yet they can be hurtful. There is plenty of fun to be had in relationship without doing things that you know will irritate your partner. Pests are damaging. A pest in relationship can do great damage to the relationship over time. Make sure you’re not being one or tolerating the behavior of someone who is.

Amy Warren is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Master Certified Relational Life Therapist. She counsels individual and couples in her private practice in Sarasota and nationwide by phone. Amy also facilitates relationship skills workshops.

[Frank Gomez]

Very well said, a person you are in a relationship with should help you to overcome your buttons not pushing them on purpose.