RELATIONSHIP TIP OF THE WEEK: Don't Be Dismissive

[Amy Warren, LMHC / WQ Mag Columnist]

Often partners are dismissive of each other without even realizing it. When one partner dismisses another, the dismissed partner never gets an opportunity to be heard or to repair a situation that is important to them. He or she is left with the feeling that his/her feelings aren’t important, and still feels the need to have those feelings validated. If you are under the impression that your partner keeps bringing up the same subject over and over again, it may well be because he feels dismissed by you and is simply trying to finally be heard.

When one person dismisses another, it usually signifies that the person who dismisses disagrees, doesn’t want to hear or be bothered with what the other person is trying to say, or is not truly listening – none of which is relational. Consider if you engage in any of these dismissive behaviors:

• by making a joke out of something that is serious to your partner
• by interrupting
• by leaving the room or focusing your attention on an activity, such as watching tv, rather than actively listening
• by sighing as your partner speaks.
• by body language, such as looking away or crossing arms
• by making statements of disagreement or invalidating a person’s account of a situation
• by saying “I don’t care” -- your partner does care
• by putting down your partner’s viewpoint

If you engage in any of these behaviors, decide to put them to rest. Classes are for being dismissed, not partners. Partners need attending; their thoughts and feelings need to be invited, and their feelings need to be heard. Conversely, if you are a partner who feels dismissed, it’s time to let your partner know how you are affected by his behavior. The very subjects, that are repeatedly dismissed in relationships as not important, can end up being the very reason relationships end. Don’t let it happen to you.

Amy Warren is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Master Certified Relational Life Therapist. She counsels individual and couples in her private practice in Sarasota and nationwide by phone.

[Frank Gomez]

so true