Relationship Tip of the Week: Remember What You Used to Know

[Amy Warren, LMHC / WQ Mag Columnist]

Once people have a landed a relationship, they often forget to use the skills that helped them attract their mate in the beginning. In the initial phase of love, people employ lots of positive relationship skills like giving compliments, arranging special dates, creating romance, being affectionate, keeping in frequent communication and planning surprises. Most people do these things in an attempt to win someone’s heart. Other people are charmers whose superficial charm soon fades. Yet even people who genuinely work to win someone’s heart forget the work doesn’t end with dating. Once you have captured a heart, make sure you don’t take it for granted.

It is important to continue to woo a mate no matter how long you have been together. Wooing keeps the relationship juicy and alive. It helps people feel special, loved and adored. It is the ignition of those feelings that generally opens hearts in the beginning. Continuing to ignite those feelings is what keeps hearts from closing.

If you want love to stay fresh throughout a relationship, it is important to refresh the skills you used when you initially met. Woo, court, seduce, do whatever it takes to keep fresh in your mate’s mind the fact that he or she is loved, appreciated and cherished. Don’t stop pursuing just because you have captured the object of your affection. Once you are in relationship, the job is then to pursue a lifetime together. If you want that lifetime to be happy and passionate, return to the skills you used in the beginning, and use those same romantic, positive, affectionate, creative and communicative skills throughout your relationship. All it takes is remembering what you used to know.

Amy Warren is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Master Certified Relational Life Therapist. She counsels individual and couples in her private practice in Sarasota and nationwide by phone. Amy also facilitates relationship skills workshops.