Social Etiquette Tip of the Week - Surprise…I’m at Your Front Door!

[Maria Brady]

This week’s social etiquette tip was inspired by good friends who were invited to a quiet Thanksgiving dinner at the home of a dear friend. During their meal the doorbell rang...at the door were several friends of the hostess who decided to just ‘drop in’ to say hello.

Was this ambush visit rude? Absolutely! Uninvited guests can often disrupt your planned evening whether it is a holiday celebration, dinner with friends that was booked long ago, or simply just some quiet time. ..or maybe your home is not company ready at that moment!

Some people believe that paying a surprise visit is a compliment to the hosts. But what if your hosts are in the middle of something they don’t want interrupted? There is an etiquette rule against dropping in on friends or family. It dates back to the invention of the telephone, which should be used to inquire as to whether a visit is welcome. Unfortunately we no longer have the household butler, who could firmly state that “madam is not at home”.

So, instead of just appearing on someone’s doorstop, I recommend calling when you’re a few minutes away. If your friends don’t want to be bothered, they can screen your call. If they want you to come over, a few minutes will give them time to tidy the house.

As a guest, you should always try to be low maintenance, and this is even truer for surprise visits. Don’t bring extra people. Always show up between meals, never right before.

To help preempt unannounced visits, make sure you set a good example yourself by never showing up unexpectedly at your friends' homes. Remember that the most effective way we teach anything is through our own good example.