Use your "Big Ears"

BIG EARS

Two friends of mine were given a set of fluffy stuffed bunnies with big floppy ears as a wedding gift.

They have provided the language of this metaphor, which is especially useful when you & your partner are engaging in a conversation that both might find difficult - & that both might have an investment in (and about which each might have delicate feelings.)

One day when they were getting into a conversation which was triggering issues for both of them,
Leonie picked up one of the bunnies, handed it to Kate, and said,"I need you to listen to me like this bunny: silently, and with big ears." Kate listened intently, without interruption, and Leonie was able to have the space to share and work through her concerns. When starting such a conversation now, one of my friends will say to the other, "I need you to put the Big Ears on," and the other knows exactly how to act.

Money conversations are often these kinds of conversations. If I am stressed about finances, and I know that my partner is also stressed about finances, I want to make room for me to express my thoughts and concerns
without triggering hers. So she knows that when I ask her to put the Big Ears on, she'll help me by listening,
responding to any concerns or queries I have dispassionately.

Once I've gotten the clarity or relief I need, then we give her space to process anything that conversation
brought up for her. I take my turn with "the Big Ears," and we each get our own individual time to explore something that is stressful to us.

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