4 Simple Steps...

To Hunting Down The Perfect Mate

The hunt for the perfect mate may sometimes feel like trying to find a needle in a haystack, but the trick is in planning your search before you even leave home. Work through the 4 simple steps below and you'll be on your way to finding your perfect mate in no time at all:

1. Know Yourself

No, this doesn't mean to get a mirror out and look at your face so you'll recognize it reflected in a smudged ladies room mirror. What it means is that you identify the important fundamental values you hold. What is it that you absolutely loathe? What is it that you find attractive? What is it that you think cute but you know would drive you crazy if you had to live with it? What kind of things would you see yourself and your perfect mate doing in the future: Marriage? Children? Travel? Sports? Is a similar religion important to you? Or political opinions? These are the things that will set some initial boundaries because these are the deal breakers. He could be the sexiest person on the planet, with six-pack abs and a butt to die for, but if he's a non-believer and you want to raise kids in a Christian home with two practicing Christian parents, then let him go - he might do for a one night stand, but he's not your perfect partner!

2. Make a Menu

Not a food menu to tempt this man when you find him, but a menu of personal attributes that he must have. There are two sides of this menu; the first is a list of "must haves". These are non-negotiable. Whatever happens, whatever he looks like, however much is in his bank balance - these are the personality traits that he must have in order to have a lasting relationship with you. The second side of the menu is the "pick and mix selection" - things you'd like to see in your perfect mate, or even wouldn't like to see, but if the first menu attributes are all there, plus he fits the fundamental values criteria, you'll compromise on some or all of these.

3. Locate the Species

So now you know exactly what you're looking for in your perfect partner, where will you find him? Look at your menu again, and consider the future you hope to have with this man. Where would such a man hang out? This is where you need to be. Get involved with activities in this kind of place. If you're looking for someone sporty, become involved in that sport yourself. If you are looking for a lawyer type, find out where lawyers go for coffee or after work drinks and make a habit of going there. People do cross over and you may find a computer programmer in a sports bar, or a ball player in the mall, but chances are you will find them with the rest of their like-minded species - locate the species, and then find a place for yourself in that nest until you find the guy who meets all of your non-negotiable criteria - which brings me to the last stage in this guide to finding the perfect mate.

4. Non-Negotiable is Non-Negotiable!

If you have spent time and energy creating a list which shows exactly the kind of partner you can envisage spending the rest of your life with, do not allow yourself to be tempted to say "oh that doesn't really matter", because it obviously mattered enough to put it on the list as non-negotiable when you were considering what you really wanted. The novelty of those piercing blue eyes and teasing smile will wear off fast if the owner of them drinks himself under the table every night and you won't have alcohol in the house! If you find yourself wanting to compromise frequently, it's time to re-evaluate what you really want. Rework those lists until you discover what your perfect mate will really be like.

Take time carefully considering these 4 steps. By answering the questions as honestly as you can, you should get a clear idea of the kind of guy who will be your perfect mate, and hopefully it won't be long until you track him down!

Happy Hunting!

Katie-Anne Gustafsson,

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