MAKE SURE...

Your Child Feels Loved

Parents all too often taken for granted that their children feel loved. The truth is that most children don’t feel unconditionally loved. In order to feel securely loved, children need to feel it. Just being a parent isn’t enough to make a child feel loved. Even saying “I love you” isn’t enough because one’s actions don’t always feel loving. Children need to feel love through words, actions, and affection. Affection is one of the most important ways to help a child feel loved.

Affection is an action beyond the spoken “I love you” that shows the meaning behind the words. There are many ways to convey affection such as hugs, kisses, a touch on the arm, a pat on the head, and holding your child as you read to them. Touch helps a child feel wanted, loved, comforted, important and secure. A parent’s touch has even been shown to diminish the pain of infants.

Physical touch reinforces the meaning of words, and it means more because it isn’t just lip service. There is safety and comfort in a hug that goes beyond mere words. In addition, hugs stimulate the release of dopamine which is correlated with feelings of happiness. And doesn’t every parent want their child to feel happy?

No child should have to leave their home in order to feel wanted. The need for affection is so strong that teens who do not receive affection from one or both parents frequently engage in promiscuous sex, increasing the risk of teen pregnancy. Others repress their need for affection and don’t allow anyone to get close to them. They are withholding affection likely because it was not modeled to them, and thus they are not comfortable with it. Children learn how to express feelings by what is modeled to them. Whether or not children receive affection sets the stage for how they love, whom they love, and how they allow themselves to be loved.

By the way, if you are one of those people who are uncomfortable with affection, practice becoming comfortable with your child. The accepting arms of an innocent child are a safe way to start, and you need affection, too…we all do.

Whether or not a child feels loved sets the framework for the rest of their lives.

Affection is the foundation for secure love from infancy through adulthood. Overall, children raised without affection tend to have more problems in life. Make sure your child hears the love in your words, sees it in your actions, and feels it in your touch. Then your child will know he’s loved in the depth of his soul.

by Amy Warren, LMHC

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