Family Rules...

Providing Structure to Your Household

Does your family have a set of family rules? Do your children know the family rules and what the consequences are for breaking a family rule? When children know their limits and parental expectations, they feel more secure and safe. Using family rules can help your household run more smoothly since everyone knows what they need to be doing.

Hold a Family Meeting

The first step for implementing family rules is to hold a family meeting. Explain the basis of the meeting and ask for input from everyone. Keep a notebook handy and take notes. Ask your preschooler what she thinks would be a good family rule. If everyone gets a say in the family rules, the rules are more likely to be followed.

For Every 'Don't', Provide a 'Do'

It doesn't work to tell a child not to do something. You have to teach them the right way to do it as well. For example, if the rule is "Don't mess with someone else's stuff," ask your child to come up with a behavior he should do instead. Do this with every family rule. "Do ask to use someone else's stuff; don't mess with someone else's stuff."

Keep the Family Rules Simple and Age-Appropriate

For younger kids, it's hard to remember a ton of family rules. If you keep the family rules to 5 - 7 rules, it will be easier for the kids to remember. Keep the rules succinct, yet specific. Kids don't necessarily know what "Be good" means. But they do know what "Use friendly words" means.

Write Out the Family Rules and Post for Everyone to See

Use a bright piece of tag board and write out all the family rules. Post the list of family rules in a common spot like the refrigerator or prominently in the living room. Just seeing the family rules posted reminds children of the family rules.

Examples of Family Rules

Sometimes it helps to see examples. Here are some family rules examples for preschool to school-age children
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1. Use friendly words. Don't hit, kick, or call names.
2. Ask to use someone's stuff. Don't mess with anyone's stuff.
3. Sit nice and eat at the dinner table. Don't play at the table.
4. Try our food. Don't throw a fit when we don't like the food.
5. Tell Mom if someone is or will get hurt. Don't tell on each other.
6. Share toys and TV. Don't fight over toys and TV.
7. Pick up all toys, clothes, dishes before bed. Don't leave our stuff on the floor.

Rewards and Consequences

Children work best when they are working toward a goal. Come up with a system for keeping track of their progress and then reward them when they reach a goal. Write the reward on the bottom of the family rules poster.

One way of keeping track of the children’s progress with the family rules is to use the sticker method. For every day the child follows most or all of the family rules, give that child a sticker to put on his calendar. Once the child reaches a specific goal, reward that child for following the family rules. If possible, place those rewards in plain sight so the child remembers what they are working toward. Seeing the reward will motivate the child into following the family rules.

Family Rules: Make Sure the Kids Know the Family Rules in Theory and in Practice

Read the family rules out loud once the poster is finished. Provide examples as you are reading the family rules. For instance, if there is a family rule about hitting, ask your child, "Now, what should you do if your sister takes away your favorite toy?"

When a child breaks a family rule, ask her, "What family rule did you just break?" It helps the child realize the family rules aren't just for show.

Consistency is Key

As with any new disciplinary structure, the key is to remain consistent. If a child knows she can whine her way out of following a family rule once, she's going to try it again.

Stay on top of enforcing the family rules, and your family rules will soon do the work for you!

By Heather K. Adams

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