Signs Your Relationship...

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Is Getting Serious

Seriousness can pop up in a relationship without overt warning, and it's arguably better that way, because it means the two of you are unfolding naturally into one another. If you're not sure how serious your relationship is - good for you! It means that the seriousness that has probably developed is of a very natural, "real" sort, unhindered by the phoniness that can come from desperation and low self-confidence.

On the other hand, if your lack of knowledge is coupled with some anxiety -either because you're worried you're stuck in a more committed situation than you want, or because you want a more committed relationship than you might have, the following points should help explain things a little, so you can figure out where to go from here.

Locale of Excitement

Your significant other is coming over for cuddles and a movie tonight. How do you feel? If you like the person, you probably feel excited, at least a little. Pay attention to where your experience of that feeling is located in your body. Find out - is it in your chest, your stomach, your groin? Are you nervous with butterflies, do your lungs feel like they've expanded, or are you just horny?

This will tell you something about your side of the relationship.If you're mainly horny, don't pretend to yourself or your partner that this is love - it's lust, and thus, not very serious, since it's easy to feel lust for a lot of different people. If it's in your belly, you're getting there - you're nervous about more than whether or not you'll get some intense pleasure later in the night. If it's in your chest, and it's an expanding feeling, well, remember: there's a reason we associate love with the heart. It's where we feel it, and if you're feeling your excitement there, you're feeling pretty serious.

How about your partner? Does she come over for a movie and some sexual frolicking, or at least some making out, and then leave again? Is the conversation more than small talk? Keep an eye out to see, by your partner's actions, how she's feeling about you. That isn't to say that a serious relationship is devoid of great hay-rolling time - but it is about more than that.

Family Ties

Does your partner know your mother well enough to share an honest opinion about her? Does she know how to get along with your parents, or is she a bit afraid of them, even though they're not really scary, just a little eccentric?

Have you brought him to your family functions, or has he brought you to his? If so, your relationship is on a serious track: introducing your partner to family - especially extended family - shows that you want the most important people in your life to consider the two of you an item. The same answer applies when he introduces you to his family, too.

Sleep-Overs

When you have your partner over for the night, do you wake up to a half-empty bed when the sun streams through the bedroom curtains? Does she? And why is this - if it's because of something like a work schedule, don't worry about it: it doesn't reflect on your relationship. But if this happens frequently even on Sunday mornings, don't consider the relationship a terribly serious one.

Check out your bathroom. Do you have an extra stash of her tampons under the sink, or does he keep an extra razor on the shelf? Do you wake up to snuggles in the morning, and does your partner ever cook you breakfast? If so, and especially if it gives you warm, fuzzy feelings inside, your relationship is getting pretty serious.

Habits and Tidbits

How many erroneous little tidbits of information do you know about your significant other? Do you know how often he shaves, how he likes his tea, or what his favorite sports team is? Do you know what her favorite book is, what celebrity she crushed on when she hit puberty, or why she named her cat what she did?

If you can list the tasks your partner goes through from waking up to getting into the car for work, in order, your relationship is serious. If you can name your partner's eighth-grade teacher or second-cousin-twice-removed on her mother's side, take a good look at your ring finger, because you're probably married.

Long-Term Plans

Meditate on the types of conversations you've had with your partner. Have you ever talked about children (how many you want, if any, and possible names), living together, making large purchases together, or vacationing together? If so, you're starting to get serious, but the key factor here is the tense in which the conversation is had. If you say "I would like," or "maybe," it's a little bit serious. If you both say, "will" or "should," about these things, consider it more serious.

And if you've actually done any of these things together, consider your relationship very serious, verging on a marriage proposal if one hasn't already taken place.

"Gross" Becomes "Whatever"

If you've ever popped your partner's pimples for him, the relationship is serious. If you've ever taken care of your partner when he was sick - cleaning up messes and all - it's serious. Now, if you did it just because you were the only person there to do it, and were grossed out by the whole deal, that's not so serious. However, if you can hold her hair back while she throws up without lurching yourself or wanting to run away, it's serious, because it shows you're feeling especially compassionate about her.

Being willing to stay with it through good and bad, even when your partner is bloated and grouchy and splotchy and tangled and messy and not at all sleek or sexy, and you're happy to do it, that's love, baby. You're committed. Way to go.

Less "Me and You," More "We and Us"

When you spend enough time being intimate with someone, you start to think alike. As long as you both retain your individuality and refrain from becoming one person with two names, this is a wonderful thing. A natural consequence of being intimate and having gradually more and more in common (as you share experiences), is talking in the "we" sense rather than the "you" or "I," sense. This is especially apparent if "we" is used when talking about yourselves to third parties, rather than just between the two of you.

There's one more surefire way to find out how serious the relationship is: ask your partner. If you feel comfortable doing this, and he feels comfortable answering honestly, you're on the track to commitment - especially if the answer is something like, "I hope we can stay together for a long time." If you don't feel comfortable asking but don't know the answer, you don't really need to ask. Take that feeling of discomfort and dread as an indicator that the relationship probably isn't very serious - yet, at least.

by Currie Jean