Tips On Finding A Roommate...

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For College or To Save Money

Living with someone new can be a challenge, but turning a new roommate into a lifelong friend does not have to be impossible. Just plan and work at it.

When finding a new roommate, either in college or just as a way to save on expenses, the first and most important thing to do if to find someone who shares a common interest. It can be anything from backpacking to literature, music to television, but you need to find at least one shared interest.

This is why those college dormitory questionnaires can be so important. For at least the next few months, you will spend several hours every day with this person and by virtue of sharing a living space, they will come to know you better than some members of your family do. So, the key is to have at least one thing that you both like and can talk about together.

Deciding whether to live with a friend or a complete stranger can be a difficult choice, but it is important to remember that even a close friend will be very different as a roommate. With that in mind, one of the first things you should do with a new roommate is have a complete, sincere discussion about the living arrangements before you ever move in.

If the new roommate is someone you already know and who lives close by, get together and talk face to face. If not, set up a time to chat via email or instant messenger. Then, start with the basic but important details that need to be worked out.

One of the first things you will need to discuss is schedules. If you are a night owl and the new roommate likes to start everyday at 5 a.m., you are already headed for conflict. Start by setting some ground rules about what is expected in terms of noise levels and visitors. Some people have a difficult time sleeping if someone else in the house is up and moving around. If you or your roommate is like this, you need to know. You may also want to consider whether this will be the same on the weekends as it is through the week.

Talk about rules for guests. If you intend to be in bed by midnight, discuss the possibility of a house rule saying that visitors are out by 11 p.m. Make sure your roommate understands your needs and you understand his. This area, and all the points of discussion, should be flexible and there should be options for “special circumstance” exceptions to the rules, but even those should be made clear before you move in.

Discuss the possibility of overnight guests and who and how many guests, as well as how often a guest can stay. Discuss major issues like smoking and drinking in the house. Will you be doing it? Do you care if your roommate and their friends do it?

Decide before you move in, how you will share expenses. Will one roommate be responsible for the cable bill and another for the internet bill? Will you be separating these down the middle? What about food? Will you be sharing and splitting the costs or each buying your own? Think about this issue with things like toilet paper and dish soap as well. Many otherwise good roommates end up in disputes or even moving out over things as simple as whose turn it is to buy the toilet paper.

This would also be a good time to discuss the not so fun aspects of sharing a house, including chores. Be honest and upfront with your roommate about your level of cleanliness and ask about their definitions as well. If possible, tour each other’s space before you move in together to see how each of you lives. One roommate’s definition of clean may be white glove inspection and another may be all the big clumps of dirt off the floor. Discuss it and define it early on.

Then, discuss the chore schedule. Sure, everyone thinks that when he moves in with someone he won’t need a chore schedule, but it turns out that Mom’s idea of a chore chart is a useful one. Otherwise, you have one roommate who believes, even if she is wrong, that she is the only one who ever takes out the trash, sweeps the floor and cleans the bathroom. Avoid the temptation to say that things will be cleaned, as needed, because some roommates have an incredible ability to overlook the need when it is their turn to fix it.

Finally, it is important to discuss a means to resolve conflict. No matter how much you talk about things before you move in with a new roommate, something will happen that makes one or both of you aggravated or angry. When this happens instead of seething and ruining the friendship, or screaming at your roommate over something else entirely, have in place a means to discuss problems. So people prefer to do this informally, some like to have a once a month “house meeting” to discuss any issues that have come up.

Remember, with a bit of planning and forethought, you can have a better relationship with your new roommate. However, sometimes people are simply incompatible as roommates and do better when they don’t share living space. If this is the case with your new roommate, try to remain polite and courteous and then change your living arrangements as soon as you can. Former roommates can be great friends and future contacts so long as you don’t burn that bridge or the house down by failing to take the simple steps presented here to make it easier to live with a roommate.

By Moonshadow68