BODY LANGUAGE...

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More Than Meets The Eye

Have you ever stopped to think how revealing our eyes and feet can be? Does the firmness of a handshake really tell us much about the person offering it? If our legs are crossed, does this mean we are being defensive?

Body language is a fascinating subject to explore. Our body language can reveal more about our true feelings than the language we use. It comes from the subconscious, so while we are saying one thing, our body may be betraying us by telling other people what we really think.

While there are general types of body language, which we can learn to recognize in others and in ourselves, there are also individual signs. Just as everyone has individual ways of saying things or pronouncing words, so they also have quirks and habits that reveal more about them personally. For example, nail biting – often referred to as a sign of nervousness – is also something to do if you are bored. So people may think you’re nervous when you’re not. Clearly, there’s a lot more to body language than meets the eye and you might unintentionally be giving off the wrong signals.

Our first impressions of people are based more on what we see than anything else. Research suggests that our visual impression of someone amounts to 55 per cent of our overall view of them. What they say to us accounts for 7 per cent of that all important first impression.

If someone is pleasant to us verbally, yet gives off hostile body language, we will want to keep our distance. We also make judgements based on what a person is wearing – so without this, we need to rely more on body language than ever to discover what the person is thinking and feeling.

We can break body language down into several areas, to make it easier for us to explore. Posture, for example, says much about how comfortable we feel in relation to our surroundings. If someone is nervous and unsure they may try to make themselves look smaller by folding their arms defensively. They may keep any bags close to them for a feeling of security, and may well avoid eye contact until they feel more settled.

Conversely, they may try to mask any nervousness they feel by exaggerating the movements normally associated with confidence. They may swing their arms briskly, take larger strides, and be over eager to make eye contact with everyone they see. This way of covering nervousness is easy to spot because the body language will look larger than life, and have an artificial air.

It is just as easy to spot people who are genuinely confident and relaxed in their surroundings. Their body language will be relaxed and open, and they are unlikely to be self conscious about anything they are doing. When people are unconscious of their body language, whatever it may be, it will be fluid and smooth.

People are also by nature territorial, and it is easy to tell how close people are to each other by how close together they sit, stand or walk. We unconsciously allow close friends, family and lovers to come within two or three feet of us. If anyone else attempts to get this close, we will automatically feel threatened and back off to regain distance. The same rules apply to physical touching, though here you should be able to tell the difference between those who are close friends, and those who are lovers.

Territorial behavior can be seen even when we’re not in our usual surroundings. Watch out for this kind of body language the next time you’re on holiday, on the beach. People will use towels, belongings, and themselves, to mark out their own little spaces in the sand. They won’t necessarily ignore everyone else, but even when friends are made, the newcomers will only be able to enter their space by invitation.

The gestures people use can also be revealing. In particular, a person’s hands can seem to have a mind of their own in revealing what the person is truly thinking. Fiddling with jewelery, nails or clothing, or continually scratching, for example, indicates nervousness. Tutting, yawning, or constantly fiddling with your hair, meanwhile, are signs of rudeness, especially when you are in conversation with someone.

Watching a person’s eyes will also reveal much about how they are feeling and what they are thinking about. And of course, if you watch for too long and they spot you, you will notice how their expression will look guarded and curious. If you are meeting someone for the first time, look to see if their eyes are smiling as well as their mouth. This will reveal just how pleased (or not) they are to see you, and how comfortable they are to be in this situation. Plenty of eye contact is generally a good sign, while a lack of it can indicate shyness, or simply the need to be alone.

So the next time you are out in public, look around at the body language on display. It’s a real eye opener.


by Allison Whitehead