Ask Lisa- My Boyfriend is Divorced...

In His Heart

Dear Lisa,

I know what your stand is on dating married men, I feel the same way, but what about men who are not with their exes anymore? He hasn't been with her for a long time but they haven't officially gotten the divorce yet (but are definitely divorced in their hearts.) I don't sleep with him but we love each other a lot. I would like him to be the one. He always said after his marriage breakup that he wouldn't marry again but he seems to talk a lot about marrying me. I believe he really wants to marry me, he talks about popping the question. He recently said he knows that this year he has to get a divorce. (Money is what stops him.)
I want to do the right thing and either kick it up or eliminate him as a potential husband. He always expresses his fear that someone else is going to scoop me up if he doesn't act. Can you please help me?

Waiting

Dear Waiting,
I hate to break this to you, but there's not a state in the union that considers being "divorced in their hearts" anything close to actually being divorced. In fact being divorced in your heart is exactly the same as being married. Exactly.

I think you should be running from this man as quickly as possible. Why? First, he can't marry you, he's already married, and from what it looks like to me, this isn't going to be changing anytime soon. Second, you say that he talks about marrying you and expresses a fear that someone else will scoop you up if he doesn't act, but guess what? He doesn't act. Last, if you hit that million-to-one shot and he does get off his $#%$, get a divorce and marry you, I'm sure you'd be spending your entire marriage wondering when heíll be telling his NEW girlfriend that you and he are "divorced in your hearts."
Dump him.
XO,
Lisa

Sarasota Dating Coach Lisa Daily is the author of STOP GETTING DUMPED! and HOW TO DATE LIKE A GROWN-UP. Lisa is the dating expert on DAYTIME TV, a nationally-syndicated morning TV show. You've also seen Lisa on E! News, Cosmopolitan and on the HITCH movie DVD starring Will Smith.

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