Add Strength...

To Your Relationship

Strengthening a relationship isn’t easy, but it is very possible. A strong, healthy relationship requires three things: wise communication, mutual compromise, and steady compassion.

Improving Communication

The secret to wise communication is sensible honesty. Although you shouldn’t lie to your partner or keep important secrets, you should use common sense. If you’re irritated with your girlfriend, hollering “Shut up, that’s annoying!” will not count as “just trying to be honest.” (Even if she really is annoying.)

On the other hand, if you make a habit of lying, then you can’t cultivate a real relationship. If your partner upsets you and you can’t forget about it, then mention it - carefully. First, wait until you’re thinking (and speaking) rationally rather than acting out of revenge or anger.

Keep a broad perspective, and don’t make a big deal. Don’t say, “I feel like you’re a bad boyfriend because you never listen to me.” Instead, tell him, “Yesterday when we were talking about the party, I felt like you weren’t listening to me. You’re a really good boyfriend, but it’s important to me that you pay attention when we’re talking.”

Then dismiss the topic. “I just wanted to tell you how I felt. So, anyway, how’s your history paper coming along?” People accept criticism more easily this way. Otherwise, your girlfriend might react defensively and then want to defy your request. So don’t guilt her into apologizing. Bring it up, then let it go.

Reaching a Compromise

If you have a significant disagreement, consent to work methodically and to listen without interrupting. Remind yourselves that the goal is to reach an agreement (or a livable disagreement), not to “win.” Then, each of you should clarify your essential goals in one or two short sentences. Next, find one way to give up a part of your goal in deference to the other. If you’re both reasonable and cooperative, then you can find a solution. And you’ll both appreciate each other’s easy attitudes.

Pursuing Compassion

Lastly, no matter what happens, maintain a mindset of sympathy. You don’t know everything that’s going on in your partner’s head. Maybe he got a bad grade or she had a fight with her mom. Don’t take anything personally. Assume your partner is struggling with something, and treat him how you want to be treated when you’re having a bad day.

Stronger Than Ever

These simple strategies are easy to implement, and their effects are significant. Your partner will be grateful, and you will be less stressed. Relax, work together, and watch your relationship grow closer and better than you ever thought possible.

by Lauren Orcutt

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