How Working Moms Can Make Time For Marriage

Working moms want to have working marriages, and one of the challenges many face is how to carve out time with their spouse. Between the demands of raising a family and pleasing a boss, your primary relationship can get lost in the shuffle. As you shuttle children to soccer practice and projects between departments, it's not uncommon for days to go by when the most meaningful communications with your husband happen over email or the family calendar on the kitchen bulletin board.  

Nurturing a marriage as an individual relationship separate from kids and career is key. After all, your husband is the man that made you want to jump off the cliff and take this wild ride in the first place. Studies show that the most satisfied moms and the most effective employees are, first and foremost, happy in their marriages. There are 24 hours in a day, and everyone puts time and energy towards the things they cherish most. With this in mind, there are some little things you can do to make a big difference in sustaining a happy marriage.

Have dinner together as a family as often as possible. This is one of the most important practices to implement. On the surface, you might question how this creates time for you and your husband. However, when everyone has dinner together on a regular basis, you and your spouse can hear what happened during each other's day and your children’s day. This means you don't have to spend your alone time playing catch-up about what's going on with kids and bosses.

At least one night during the workweek, designate the time you have after the kids are in bed as a no-technology zone. This means no televisions, computers or Blackberries. It also means no paperwork or housework. Spend this hour or two doing something that you both enjoy. It doesn't have to be sensual, but it certainly can be! Play a game of backgammon. Plan a trip or an adventure. Do some gardening. Listen to music. There were lots of things your husband and you used to like to do together before children and demanding careers changed the landscape of your relationship. Remember these things and do them. Or try out some new things that you both want to investigate.

Find a babysitter you trust and have a date night once a weekend. Carve out four or five hours every Friday or Saturday night to leave the house without your children or your briefcase and go do something together. Go to dinner and a movie. Go shopping, meet up with friends, stop by a party or attend an athletic event. What you do is not important, but doing it often is! Every working mom should make date night a priority.

Go to bed together and wake up together. Sometimes conflicting schedules are inevitable - a last-minute report or an early-morning meeting must be attended to. But sharing a similar sleeping schedule offers numerous benefits to a marriage. It's comforting to have snuggling and some pillow talk be the bookend that finishes a busy day. Likewise, two pairs of hands in the morning make getting everyone off to school and work much easier. When affection and responsibilities are balanced, a marriage comprised of many pieces runs more smoothly and with less resentment.

Be flexible and on the lookout for opportunities to remember why the two of you became a 'we' in the first place. Flexibility is the watchword for working moms everywhere. Look for and take advantage of time that can be stolen for you and your husband. If the kids are with their grandparents for the day, make sure a portion of that day is devoted to doing something with your spouse - even if it's just taking a walk.

Little pieces of time and energy add up and pay big dividends during the times that your relationship may move to the back burner. If you've got a month of extended travel for your job or weeks of sports playoffs where the kids are center stage, your marriage will simmer a bit. But you don't have leave it on the back burner (or worse - in the freezer!) for long. Time spent with your husbands is always time well spent for everyone who depends on you - your spouse, your kids, your boss, your coworkers and, most importantly, yourself.

By Janice Fahy

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