I Think I Have A Monster-In Law...Why?

Getting married is such a joyous occasion as a couple starts out on their new life together. But lurking in the background is a formidable influence the new wife may never have banked on, her new mother-in-law. Many women are pleasant and welcoming towards their sons' girlfriends. They may even like a few and actively encourage the relationship. But once a couple inform their respective families that they are planning to marry, the mother of the groom may change from a sweet, welcoming lady, to a suspicious, meddling woman.  

Green-eyed Monster

  Many mothers-in-law behave the way they do out of jealousy, pure and simple, as they simply cannot bear the thought of relinquishing the influence they once had over their sons. As an unmarried man, the son would have been more likely to turn to his mother for advice and help in his life. But with the appearance of another woman on the scene, the mother will feel her influence quickly slipping as he turns more and more to the new woman in his life for support. A new wife will be able to sense if her mother-in-law is jealous of her if she is cold and ignores her for no apparent reason. It can be very annoying trying to work out where she has gone wrong. But it does not usually help to come out and ask. A quick "nothing" from the mother-in-law will soon put paid to any further inquiry.

So unless the daughter-in-law is aware of a specific reason as to why she offended her mother-in-law, it is safe to assume that she was being ignored through no actual fault of her own.   My Son Deserves Better.   How many mothers would attest to the fact that no woman has ever been good enough for their son? Perhaps each girlfriend was inspected and found wanting. She did not receive a high enough education or her job was too menial. Sometimes mothers just do not approve of their prospective daughter-in-law because they believe she cannot cook, clean or perform other tasks as well as she can. In their mind, this means that their son is not being taken care of properly.   

What About Me?

This is closely tied in with #1. Even mothers who are pleased to see their sons settle down and get married may feel insecure about where that leaves them. Will their sons still call them every Saturday afternoon and visit? How often will they get to see them and for how long? Some mothers genuinely believe that once their sons get married, the wife will want their son all to themselves and this may upset them. They may then retaliate by playing mind games and making life difficult for the new wife.   

Many daughters-in-law have a long road ahead of them and they must tread carefully so that they can help to redress the balance in the family. It is not easy when a new wife is constantly put down or corrected by her new mother-in-law. This can even extend as far as meddling with the upbringing of the grandchildren. But one thing the new wife must always remember is that she is the joint decision maker, along with her husband in her own household.

Once the mother-in-law is aware of that, she will see that there is a line that she must not cross if she wishes to stay on good terms with her son and daughter-in-law. A mother-in-law can give advice, but the daughter-in-law is under no obligation to take it. After all, she is a grown woman and does not need to be treated like a child.

With patience and time these feelings usually subside and most mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law are able to form a close relationship.

by Soph

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