When you are providing feedback to employees or children or husbands . . . you need to be effective. Most feedback that is given is ineffective primarily because it is too generic and judgmental. For example, "You are arrogant" or "you are bossy" begs the obvious question, "how?" or "in what way?"
"CAR" a simple formula keeps the feedback specific, focused, and therefore better heard.
C stands for context because the recipient needs to know to what you are referring. A is for action, in which you descibe in objective and non-judgmental language what you have observed. Finally, R is for result. This is where you answer the question "why does it matter?"
Giving positive feedback is very simple then. As soon as possible after the behavior has taken place that you want repeated, give a positive CAR such as: "When Mrs. Jones was so angry about the delay in her order, you told her we were sorry for the inconvenience and that we had changed the procedure so that this does not happen again. She felt much less angry and in fact complimented you for caring." OR in the personal realm: "Just then when you jumped into the discussion with my mother-in-law and you urged her to think about the effect her statements might have on me, I felt defended and validated and I appreciate it very much."
If you have to give constructive or negative feedback, you use the same formula except that at the end you engage the other person in a discussion during which you ask them to brainstorm other options and what the likely results might have been. This has the advantage of encouraging critical thinking and introspection. For example, "When Mrs. Brown called up angry about the delay in her order, you said that our shipping department had flubbed up again and that you would see what could be done even though it wasn't your job. The result was that Mrs. Brown felt that you were unhelpful and unprofessional because she perceived that you were blaming and passing the buck. How might you have handled that differently? What do you think would be the likely result?"
Feedback is important to help people understand what you like and what you don't like. Use this simple formula to make sure the feedback is clear and direct.
by J. Lenora Bresler from Woman To Woman