Thinking of Moving In Together?? 10 Must Know Tips

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Everyone has a different opinion when it comes to couples cohabiting. You may have heard your curmudgeonly grandma mutter that "Nobody buys a cow when they can get the milk for free." Or, conversely, you might have hipster friends who go through live-in lovers like disposable razors. It's a big life decision that should be treated like one, and like other big life decisions, there's only one opinion that really matters: yours.



If you have decided that you're ready to make the transition with your partner from living separately to living together, you're probably feeling pretty blissful. Be aware, though, that no matter how stable the relationship, merging households --and personalities-- can be a tricky business.

Here are ten tips for making your cohabitation as smooth as possible.



#1) Choose Wisely

 

Just because you've found the person of your dreams doesn't mean that living together is the automatic next step. Some couples have been together for as long as decades without choosing to make the move. If you are fiercely independent, particular about your space, or just have a different living style than your beloved, stay put. A relationship can still be committed without sharing the bills. Weigh your options, and choose what's best for you yourself. You can weigh the advice of others, but follow your own heart.



#2) Define Expectations



Are you moving in as the first step in a lifelong commitment? Or are you just saving money on bills while dating? You probably know the answer, but does your partner? If you have expectations that are different from your loved one's, a bitter breakup is in your future. Don't make assumptions. Remember that if a conversation about your relationship and its future is uncomfortable, you may not be ready to move in. Have a talk, and make sure you're both on the same page.



#3) My Place or Yours?



If you've made the final decision to move in together, someone is going to have to move. Is it you or your partner? Whatever the choice, be certain that it is acceptable to both you and your loved one equally. A grudge about moving is a setup for future regrets that could be irreparable. The choice may be clear (maybe one of you has more space), but it may require hashing out. Sometimes moving into a completely new space together is the best choice, as it is definitively yours as a couple. Just be certain that the choice is made together.



#4) Budget Ahead



Money problems are one of the major causes of relationship stress in marriages, so don't expect it to be any different in a cohabiting arrangement. Don't make the mistake of forging ahead thinking "everything will work out; we'll worry about it later." Discuss up front who pays for what. Are you splitting the bills 50/50? Or are you paying the rent while the other pays all the other utilities? Maybe one of you works while the other does the household chores. There are as many arrangements as there are types of people, but whatever you do: plan it ahead, and make it crystal clear.



#5) Be Prepared for Change



If you've been weekend daters for a while, you may be in for a shock when moving in together. Perhaps you've only seen each other in your "going out" clothes. Maybe you had no idea that he eats bologna for breakfast, or that you both want the bathroom at the very same time. Seeing each other day to day can be a drastic change, and some couples make the transition better than others. Even if you've spent a lot of time at each other's places, you will notice a difference. This is what a long-term commitment requires: daily living. Don't expect every day to be like a magical date, or you will be sorely disappointed.



#6) Be a Good Roommate



Some people seem to think that if someone loves them enough, they won't care if you leave your towel on the floor. Strangely, college roommates often have better and more clear arrangements about cleaning and chores than many cohabiting couples. Just like with money, first be clear upfront about your expectations, and then exercise respect around the house. You're not living alone anymore. A dirty sink or an overflowing laundry bin might seem like smaller problems, but they can mount up over time and foster resentment.



#7) Respect Privacy



Even the most devoted of couples need time to themselves. Make sure you each have it, and your relationship will have less strain. Maybe the two of you can plan different days to do chores outside of the house so the other gets some alone time at home. Everyone should have some space of their own as well, whether its an office, a garage, a designated corner, or even a drawer for your private treasures. It takes two strong halves to make a strong whole, so respect individuality --and that means the space to grow as an individual.



#8) Fight Smart



A lot of people go into shock when they have their first fight after moving in together. Your options are different than they used to be. You can't just avoid each other or neglect to call for a week. Living in the same house with someone at whom you are angry can be a true trial by fire. You will have to learn to "fight smart" by communicating with each other often and early to avoid long, festering wars. Learn to pick your battles --some little things are best if you let them go. If an argument becomes too big to handle, or continues to bubble under the surface, don't forget that couples counseling is for everyone, not just married couples.



#9) Be Social



We've all had a friend who dropped off the face of the earth when she started dating someone seriously. Remember when she broke up with him? She was right back with her friends, lamenting about how much she's missed everyone. Sure, when you're in a committed relationship you do want to spend most of your time together. A healthy, well-rounded life, though, includes friends outside the home. Get out, either separately or together. Have a dinner party, or join a club. A thriving social life can actually improve your private life, and you'll have more to talk and share about.



#10) Make Time for Each Other



You may be surprised to find that when living together, you actually may have less one-on-one time with each other. The time you are actually not working may be filled up with laundry and meal preparation, and your conversations may be mostly about bills and the litter box. Take an evening each week to date each other, or set aside time each day just to talk. Otherwise, you might find yourself living more as roommates than lovers quite fast.



Moving in together is a big step, and regardless of why you choose to make it, it takes work to succeed. Communicate, plan ahead, and above all: respect each other. Your cohabiting experience can increase your understanding of each other and bring you closer in the process.








By Elizabeth Kelly