Traditional & Modern Wedding Etiquette: Who Pays For What??

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Your wedding day is one of the biggest expenses of your life – only buying a car or house is likely to be more expensive than this special day. Traditionally, the father of the bride has always been responsible for most, if not all of the costs of organizing a wedding. In more recent years however, there has been a trend towards sharing the costs with the
groom’s parents and other family members and guests as well. There are no firm rules when it comes to who pays for what – it can depend on your age, financial situation and upbringing.

Today it is more common for the groom’s parents to be actively involved in both the planning and the expenses of the big day. Some professional couples may each have well paid careers and are more likely to want to contribute to the costs. Many older couples are also marrying for a second time, or marrying later in life, and already have money and are more willing to help with the wedding expenses. Once you have set a wedding date, the budget should be the next thing you start to work on. It is possible to finance and make payments towards the biggest expenses, such as the reception, and the wedding rings. A memorable wedding need not break the bank; keep in mind that it is possible to get married in a wedding chapel, with flowers, music and a modest reception for around 20 people for under $1500.

If you are planning a traditional and ‘old-fashioned’ wedding, the parents of the bride are still expected to pay for the ceremony itself and the reception, which is one of the biggest overall expenses. This would also cover additional costs such as food and drink, music, decorations and professional photography, although many people break down these costs to be covered by other family members. Before the big day, there are also the various stationery items such as invitations, programs, thank you notes etc. which traditionally, are ordered and paid for by the bride’s parents. The wedding ring for the groom is paid for by the bride or her family. And of course, there is the all important wedding dress, which is still generally the responsibility of the bride’s parents, as is formalwear for the bride’s father.

In a traditional wedding, the groom’s family has their responsibilities too. The parents of the groom generally pay for their own formalwear, as well as the wedding clothes for the groom and best man. The groom’s family is also responsible for miscellaneous expenses such as the cost of the marriage license and any associated fees, the engagement party and rehearsal dinner. And the groom is responsible for paying for the most lasting reminders of any wedding – the bride’s engagement and wedding ring. Some costs can be shared between both families – dresses for the bridesmaids, formalwear for the ushers and best man, and bouquets. The couple themselves is expected to pay for thank you gifts for parents and friends and anyone else who helped with planning the wedding.

Other members of the wedding party can help with costs as well. Traditionally, the best man is responsible for arranging and paying for any bachelor party, as well as safekeeping of the grooms ring. The bridesmaids may pay for their own dresses and can host a bridal shower or meal out. Attendants usually pay for their own clothes, can pay together for a wedding gift and can also offer out of town guests a place to stay, or a ride to the reception. If you have ushers at your wedding, they are responsible for the costs of their own wedding clothes and transportation.

Finally, don’t forget the honeymoon – an exotic or elaborate honeymoon can cost as much as the wedding itself, sometimes more. Traditionally, the family of the groom has always paid for the honeymoon, but in recent years the concept of a ‘honeymoon registry’ has become popular. This works in much the same way as the more usual gift registry, but instead of paying for gifts, guests are paying for a part of the overall honeymoon – airfare, limo service, extras such as drinks or meals, flowers, activities, etc. This is a great idea if the couple already has a home and has the usual towels, sheets, pots and pans, toasters, etc!