RELATIONSHIP TIP OF THE WEEK: Give A Little

[Amy Warren, LMHC / WQ Mag Columnist]

Last week, I talked about the value of requesting what you want from your partner. This week’s tip is about what to do if your partner makes a request of you. The cherishing response for any reasonable request is to give it, if you can.

Notice that I said “reasonable.” That does not mean that you agree to let your partner watch you have sex with the UPS guy (yes, those kind of requests actually happen) or to any other request that violates your own sense of safety or principles. However, if you are with the right person, you won’t have to worry about needing to say “no” because those kinds of requests won’t even be an issue.

In healthy relationships when a partner asks something of their partner, it’s usually because it’s really important to them. So don’t ever give a flat “no” as it will only create distance between you. If it’s something you are not able to do for some reason or are unable to do without feeling resentful, then come back with an alternative offer of what you are willing to do. But, always honor the request if you can. In the long run, giving a little will get you a lot. Think of it as smart generosity.

[Doug Ross]

Your blog on relationships are great. I enjoy contributing.

Doug

[Amy Warren, LMHC / WQ Mag Columnist]

Hi Hector,
Thanks so much! Yes, everything I say applies to both men and women, so it's good to hear at least one man's taking notes. If everyone worked these relationship skills, the world would have less discontent and a lot more love. I agree that Chapman's message is a good one, calling us out of ourselves to understand others and respond accordingly. Here's another must read: "I Don't Want to Talk About It" by Terrence Real. Hope all is well.
Amy

[Hector Muniz]

Hey Amy,

I've been reading your column and taking notes!! Very good stuff and of course the content applies to both men and women. I just read "The 5 Love languages" by Gary Chapman, and I found it vey enlightening to say the least. Sometimes we don't know what we don't know. I think that this book is a "must" read for someone that actually wants to make a relationship work.
Keep up the good work. Hector