Social Etiquette Tip of the Week - Is This The New Etiquette?

[Maria Brady]

It was always my understanding that plates were not to be cleared until everyone at the table was finished with the course they were eating. When did it become customary to clear a person’s plate as soon as they put the fork down regardless of the fact that others at the table were still eating? Somehow this practice has become so commonplace that it now appears the wait staff feels that this is what excellent service is all about. Is this the new etiquette? Did I miss the memo?

I know that times are changing, and service is more relaxed, however the whole point of etiquette is not to impose arbitrary rules on people, but to make people feel comfortable. Clearing a plate before everyone is finished makes everyone uncomfortable …it draws attention to the people who eat too fast and it makes those who eat slower feel rushed.

In this day of overfilled plates and overly cluttered tables, I can understand the wish for quick plate removal. But at the expense of making the rest of the table feel rushed, interrupted or uncomfortable? I think not! I feel that courtesy and consideration for all those at the table outweighs a cluttered table. I also think the table looks funny when some plates are cleared and others are not…it seems to lose the visual aspect of table symmetry. Very often when dining out I have quietly asked the server not to remove plates until everyone is finished.

How do you feel about it? You’re still eating and my plate is cleared. Do you feel rushed? Do you feel that you are overeating as I watch? Would love to hear everyone’s views

[Amy Warren, LMHC / WQ Mag Columnist]

Isn't the correct way to remove dinner plates when the silverware rests at the 10:20 time position on the plate? Being a slow eater who savors my food, I, too, have felt rushed to finish eating when everyone else's plate has been removed. Even worse, I've had my plate taken away before I've had a chance to eat the last bite that I historically reserve in order to end my meal with my favorite taste.

[Mary Riley]

Thank you for this information; I wasn't aware or thought about it before this, but I feel the plate should not be cleared until all are finished.

[Val Filipski]

I DEFINITELY agree - I think it is rude to clear while others are still eating. On the flip side, how many times have I sat with others with all clearly empty plates AND folded hands and the "server" still does not clear, but brings the check.

[Judy Newdom,CPCP]

This practice is typical of the 'new restaurant' experience. Turning tables is the rule rather than allowing the guests to dine in comfort. I not only agree with you, but I'll add the practice of "setting your own table." Who decided that getting a napkin full of silverware replaces the table setting? I do not find it appealing to have my tableware all wrapped up.

[Bonnie Gray]

i prefer not to sit in front of dirty dishes, and esp prefer it taken away if I am resisting eating the "whole thing!" - However, i think it was OK to ask to have it removed, rather than automatically have it removed.

[Julie Trigg]

Thank you!

[Karen Huebner]

I agree with you. Thanks for the tip on quietly letting the wait staff know your preference at the beginnig.