Dear Coach - How do I Balance My Life????

[Rev. Dr. Christina Winsey]

Dear Coach:

I am a very busy working mother and just turned 39. I have 3 wonderful children, two girls and one boy, and a husband whose career takes him away from the family a great deal. While I love my career, it is very demanding of my time. I always seem to feel this constant “pull” on me. When I’m back home at night with the kids I keep thinking about the work on my desk. When I am at work my mind is filled with all the chores and household things that are left undone. Then there’s that constant thought of, “what about time for me?” and “what about time for my husband and me alone?”

Everything seems to demand so much of my energy I sometimes don’t know which way I’m going and none of it is really fulfilling because I always think I should be giving my attention to some other thing left undone. HEEELLLP!
Signed,
Overworked Mom

Dear Overworked Mom:Thanks for writing in about a problem that truly plagues so many women these days. There are a few points here that will hopefully help you turn things around.

Number one: Practice being in the present moment only. When you’re at home with the kids there is really nothing you can do about the things on your desk at the office. Taking your precious time and attention away from the joy of your children by worrying and fretting is not going to do anything but increase your sense of frustration at time challenges.

With practice you will find that using mental self-control to continually bring your attention back to the present moment, you will feel a huge relief. Your ability to really and truly enjoy each now moment will increase dramatically. Life is a series of moments that need to be lived and savored one at a time. When you do this you won’t feel as though you are missing out on anything because you are really experiencing the sweetness of things completely.

Number two: Stress increases when you try to use your brain to be your day planner. A very helpful technique is to make four separate “to do” lists, instead of just one big jumbled one. The four lists cover the top four priorities in your life and are updated each week. Your top four priorities may be, for instance: family, self-care, career and relationship/marriage.

Once all of your “to do’s” are written down, it will help to take the worry out of them. Then you can systematically tackle each thing at the appropriate time. For instance, when you are at work the only list you need to look at is the work-related “to do” list. This technique has absolutely saved my mind from craziness and kept me on track to cover all my bases.

Number three: It may be time to re-asses how much of your time you give to each category. Often people have expectations of themselves that are unreasonable given the amount of time they actually have to devote to something.

If, for example, you are giving only 50% of your time to career, it is truly unreasonable to expect yourself to be a superstar. Additionally, if kids and family are a top priority to you, giving only 50% to career is probably the most you would want to allocate to it anyway.

In this case it will free up your mind and increase your sense of ease if you to lower the expectations you may have placed on yourself for work performance and achievement.

Finally, mixed into this assessment check out what things are time-robbers in your schedule. Don’t be afraid to use that good word “No” when you need to.

Be patient and loving with yourself. You are obviously handling many things. With a little bit of self-examination you will be able to make those changes that increase your effectiveness AND your happiness.

Good luck!
Dr. Christina Winsey

Dr. Christina Winsey is a Life, Weight-Loss and Addiction Recovery Coach. Need some help balancing all the ups and downs, ins and outs of life? Email Dr. Chris at [e-mail] or call her at 941-914-2433 or visit www.TheICanDoctor.com
and www.TheICanDoctor.com/freedomwellnesscenter.html