How to Identify an Abuser

[Esther Bird]

There is no doubt, some people have abusive personalities. Here are five signs to look for in attempting to identify someone who may be (or become) an abuser. If you see these things in someone you are dating - RUN!!!! If you see these things in your current partner - GET HELP NOW!

1. He/she isolates your from your friends and family - you may initially see this as flattering, but this type of possessiveness is not a good thing. By cutting you off from contact with others, they are weakening your safety net and making it harder for you to leave if/when you decide you must do so.

2. He/she puts you down - if your partner says negative things like "you're lucky to have me" or "what's wrong with you?" this type of statement can be a warning sign, especially if he/she says them often and in front of others. These put-downs diminish your self-esteem over time.

3. He/she blames others for their problems - when they always blame someone else for their problems, they will soon be blaming you for everything too. And, eventually that will be justification for mistreatment of you. (I wouldn't have to hit you if you did what I told you to do.)

4. He/she acts jealous - if your accused of flirting with others it shows that you're dealing with someone who is easily threatened and insecure. Another a bad sign is when you're told what clothing and hairstyle to wear.

5. He/she controls the finances - they won't give you access to joint accounts or credit cards, keeps you financially dependent, or forbids to allow you to go to work or school, these are all 'red flags' that should make you take notice immediately.

I hope this list is informative and complete; however, I may have missed some other signs. If you can think of a sign that I did not cover, please let me know. I strongly encourage that everyone (both genders) watch out for signs of a controling and abusive person. While many think of abuse as a women's concern, it's important to note that men can be abused too.

[Gini C. Hyman]

Wednesday March 10 8:30 to 4:30 (Registration starts at 8 AM)

FREE training seminar on Domestic Violence with Lundy Bancroft, author, workshop leader and activist on trauma, abuse and healing. Hyatt Regency 1000 Boulevard of the Arts, Sarasota FL. Seating is Limited. RSVP by Mar 5th.. Please join us for a full day of FREE high-risk, domestic violence training taught by Familiy Issues Specialist and Domestic Violence Expert Lundy Bancroft on March 10, 2010 at the Hyatt Regency Sarasota!!! This training is hosted by the Sarasota Police Department InVEST program and was made possible through grant funding provided by the Florida Coaltion Against Domestic Violence Contact Concetta, 954-7021.