RELATIONSHIP TIP OF THE WEEK; Be "Relational"

Being relational isn’t something we are taught in school. Although we learn foreign languages, our vocabulary is limited when it comes to love. To be relational means to make your words and actions respectful and cherishing of the relationship between you, even in its worst moments.

When I model to my clients how to speak relationally, the response is often initially “People don’t talk that way” or “It doesn’t sound real.” It is a sad reflection on our society when people find it unrealistic to speak in a way that is cherishing of the relationship. Yet when I ask men how they would respond if their wife spoke that way, the response is unanimously positive. A loving and cherishing wife, who is at the very least respectful even in those angry moments when she doesn’t even like her husband, typically produces a husband who is much more warm and loving. Soon the couples I work with are playfully admonishing each other when one of them steps off the relational track. They begin to become fluent in their new language. “Relational” and “anti-relational” become household words. Couples become conscious of how their actions hurt or help the relationship, and the relationship blossoms.

This week and every week, become conscious of what it means to live in full respect of your relationship, even when you're not feeling total respect for your partner. Be loving, be respectful, be cherishing. Live the true meaning of the word “relational”.

Amy Warren is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Master Certified Relational Life Therapist. She counsels individual and couples in her private practice in Sarasota and nationwide by phone.

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