Relationship Tip of the Week: Share Histories

Make an effort this week to share something about your life that you haven’t previously shared with your partner. This tip is an exercise in sharing your self and your history. For example, disclose a childhood memory, something that affected you strongly and impacted your life. Sharing such events is a way of increasing emotional intimacy. It helps your partner to truly know you and understand you. Invite mutual sharing by asking your partner about events in his life that impacted him.

It is amazing how many “secrets” people keep from their partners about life events that continue to affect them today. Relationships are often affected by these events as well. Frequently, these major life events are traumas, such as physical or sexual abuse. Other people feel a need to hide a family member’s substance abuse. There is no reason to be ashamed of someone else’s behavior. Whether the wound is from childhood or a prior relationship, you are in no way responsible for what someone else did to you or around you. Share what happened to you and pave the way for your partner to comfort and support you. It’s nurturing that you may have needed for a long time.

Continue the dialogue of sharing your stand-out memories, both good and bad, with your partner. It will enable your partner to see how you came to be the person you are today, and it will deepen the bond between you.

Amy Warren is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Master Certified Relational Life Therapist. She counsels individual and couples in her private practice in Sarasota and nationwide by phone. Amy also facilitates relationship skills workshops.

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