Relationship Tip of the Week: Bring Work Home

[Amy Warren, LMHC / WQ Mag Columnist]

This week’s relationship tip is to bring work home. My advice is not to literally bring work home so you have less time to spend with your spouse. My advice is to bring the skills, energy and ambition you utilize at work home and apply those same skills and motivation to your relationship.

Did you know that most people treat the people they work with better than they treat their spouse? Think about it; it’s true. I bet you’ve said things to your spouse or significant other in your worst moments that you wouldn’t dream of saying to a colleague or boss. No matter how angry people get at work or how much they dislike someone, most people somehow manage to get along in order to keep the paycheck coming. The same principle applies to relationships. If you want to keep your relationship, you need to treat your spouse with respect. How sad that people treat the people that supply the paycheck better than the person they supposedly care about most in the world. And no, I’m not recommending that you treat the people at work worse; I’m recommending that you apply the same skills you use to maintain respect with people at work with your spouse or significant other.

On the same hand, most people put much more energy into their work than they put into their relationship. People realize they have to work hard to keep their jobs, but what they don’t consider is how hard they need to work to keep their relationship fresh and strong. Relationships take work; they take skill. Like a job, you will never progress in your relationship without putting your best foot forward and dedicating yourself to your goals.

With most jobs, you need some formal education or training in order to do the job well. If you're not as good as you'd like to be at relationships, seek the education you need to be better. Books, workshops, and tips like these are helpful, but probably the best training you can get is in the hands of a skilled relationship therapist or coach who is able to help you see the things you may not see about yourself. But remember, if you've been able to maintain steady employment (or even if you are a good parent or friend), you already have some of the skills you need to have a good relationship; you just may not have been applying those skills at home. Bring 'em on home!

Amy Warren is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Master Certified Relational Life Therapist. She counsels individual and couples in her private practice in Sarasota and nationwide by phone.