Do you ever come across as knowing more or being better than your partner? Or perhaps you look up to him, giving him superiority to you? In healthy relationships, partners treat each other as if their value is equal. No one talks down to anyone else and no one looks up at anyone else. It is great to admire a partner’s qualities or achievements, but if you are looking up at someone, it doesn’t feel good because you are feeling inferior. It’s also painful to be the receiver when a partner (or anyone) treats you like you are not good enough or smart enough or adept enough at any particular task.
It’s striking how many times the kitchen becomes a scenario where one partner is treated less than the other. And yes, it is often men that seem to think they can chop better or utilize a more efficient cooking technique, leading women to feel intimidated in what many women consider their domain. It’s never acceptable to intimidate someone or to feel intimidated by another person.
Even though the words aren’t always actually said, questions like “What were you thinking?” or “Why did you do that?” clearly convey the speaker’s thought that something stupid was done and will be interpreted as “You’re stupid.” Remember this one when talking to children too.
It is a lie to believe that anyone can be better or less than anyone else. In healthy relationships, partners treat each other same as, with the recognition of the truth that each of them has inherent worth despite their human flaws and imperfections. They speak to each other eye to eye. They treat each other with respect -- as equals. And when equality reigns, love is likely to rule.
Amy Warren is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Master Certified Relational Life Therapist. She counsels individual and couples in her private practice in Sarasota and nationwide by phone. Amy also facilitates relationship skills workshops.
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