The Tiger Woods Apology

[Amy Warren, LMHC / WQ Mag Columnist]

As a psychotherapist who has had the privilege of training with Patrick Carnes, the top professional in the field of sex addiction and the director of the treatment center where Tiger Woods is allegedly in treatment, I have been appalled as I listen to the commentary of the media and even professionals in my field about his apology. The criticism has been harsh and at times misguided.

Tiger was attacked for his carefully crafted speech. In my view, a prepared speech suggests he put a lot of time and thought into making sure he said all he wanted to say. Following his written word ensured that nothing was forgotten in a moment that would likely rattle the steeliest of nerves.

I’m shocked that some professionals in my field continue to deny Tiger’s sex addiction. Come on, even Tiger knows it! All indications seem to be that he’s in one of the top treatment centers for sex addiction. The content of his speech was indicative of a person working the steps of recovery for addiction. Other professionals diagnose Tiger as a narcissist. And yes, there are absolutely elements of self-centeredness and grandiosity in his behavior as there are with any addiction. Addicts engage in compulsive behavior in spite of the pain it may cause to others. They self-medicate their misery and filter their self-esteem through their addictive behavior. The addict’s desire for the high outweighs the negative consequences. Having more than two extramarital affairs is cause for concern of sex addiction. Sounds like Tiger, doesn’t it? Furthermore, a true narcissist would not express the remorse or take the responsibility that Tiger did in his public apology. He wouldn’t be receptive to treatment.

Many people were angered that Tiger refused to answer the media’s questions—media with whom Tiger has no personal relationship. He doesn’t owe them anything. Tiger needs to answer to his wife, children and the other people in his life who were hurt by his reckless behavior. In fact, I believe that Tiger is making a choice that is ultimately protective of his wife and children. To share any more of his dirty laundry publicly would only inflict further pain on them. The media never seems to stop and think about how their own behavior affects other people. Sure, Tiger did what he did and should have to suffer the consequences, but his wife and children should not have to have their noses publicly rubbed in it. It would be like taking a knife and digging a wound deeper than it already is. Tiger's family will undoubtedly already be affected for years to come by his behavior as well as the exploits of the media. Perhaps the self-serving media should be treated for narcissism…or maybe voyeurism.

I couldn’t believe that one commentator speculated that Tiger’s voice was different as a result of plastic surgery due to being assaulted by Elin. For Tiger to have lied about anything in his statement would have been ludicrous and completely counter-productive to his treatment. To lie when the world, including his treatment team, was watching would have just been crazy. He is trying to re-establish credibility---credibility which would have been completely lost with his family if he made any false statement. Now that Tiger has set the record straight, the subject of domestic violence needs to be put to rest.

Tiger made a valid point when he said his actions matter more to Elin than his words. In the long run, what Tiger does from here is what counts. Remorse combined with behavior change is the only thing which will be meaningful to anyone who cares about him. Although I do not condone Tiger’s previous behavior in any shape or form, I do believe in people’s ability to change any behavior they want to change. His apology seemed heartfelt. He gave every indication of a man determined to change, to attempt to make amends. The path to recovery is a long one, and whether or not Tiger remains on the path remains to be seen. As with any addiction, it is one day at a time. Thankfully, today he is accepting the professional help he needs.

Amy Warren is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Master Certified Relational Life Therapist. She counsels individuals and couples in her private practice in Sarasota and nationwide by phone.

[Sandy Norton]

Amy, thank you so much for sharing these insights! I couldn't agree with you more, and I applaud you for your efforts to help others understand the depth of this situation. Too many people are quick to judge and to criticize others before trying to gain even a smidgen of understanding of what behavioral issues this person may be dealing with. Understanding another human being doesn't mean we need to condone their behavior in any way. And certainly we would hope that people will learn from their mistakes--learn and grow and become better human beings. We're all on a journey, and we all make mistakes. Whether big or small, these mistakes (and how we handle them) help us to grow and evolve. Handling another person's mistakes with understanding, compassion, and forgiveness can help us all to become better human beings. At the very least, we need not pass judgment on another human being for efforts he is making to put his life back together. Again, Amy, thank you for tis blog. Sandy Norton, RN