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In Your Relationship



Relationships are complex things and over a long time, a couple can form habits that make up their patterns of daily life. Sometimes these patterns are both comfortable and comforting, like being able to enjoy a breakfast together.

Sometimes these patterns can become boring. If you want to spice up your relationship and recapture the joys of romancing each other, these tips are for you.

Go On a Date
Think back to when you were first dating or courting each other. What did you enjoy doing together? Remember how fun it was to go out to dinner or a movie and then maybe stroll down the boardwalk together, grabbing an ice-cream cone. Remember how your hands would linger if you accidentally touched each other?

You can still go out together ‘on a date’, like you did back then. Most couples find that they don’t spend very much time just together by themselves, particularly once they have children.

Organize a babysitter and go out for a date every so often and you will start to get the romance back into your relationship.

Surprise Your Spouse
Give your spouse a surprise present, flowers, a favourite perfume, a good book from their favorite author, whatever you know they will appreciate. You don’t have to wait until a birthday or Christmas to give your spouse a present. Sometimes just the surprise is enough to get the romance back into your lives.

Whenever you give your spouse something, it says, “I thought about you today”. It doesn’t have to be expensive or big. Just some little thing that shows you thought about them while you were out shopping or out on your lunch break from work. Even a simple card with a heart-warming message can help your spouse to know you still care.

Hellos and Goodbyes Are Important
We say ‘hello’ to our spouse very often, especially when coming home from work. “Hellos” can even be when you wake up in the morning! Goodbyes are the times you are saying goodbye the day or for a while when you will go your separate ways for a short space of time.

Couples who enjoy a great romance make an effort at these times. Giving each other a quick hug and a kiss goodbye or hello is a great way to build the romance in the relationship. The idea is to let your spouse know you love them and will miss them, or did miss them while they were away.

Hellos are particularly important because sometimes your spouse may have had a bad day at work, battled the traffic on the way home and has just come in exhausted. A welcome smile, quick hug and kiss will brighten their mood immediately, before you get into the details of sharing the stories of the day, deciding on dinner or anything else.

A good goodbye can warm your spouse’s heart for hours, and just the memory of that kiss can make them smile all day. Focusing on hellos and goodbyes will help you to get the romance blossoming again.

Go For a Walk

Going for a walk together is a great way of getting romance back into your lives. The idea is spending quality time together, away from the distractions of television and normal home life. It is good exercise and you can enjoy the half hour talking together.

Walking somewhere with a good bike path is great if you have kids, as they can ride their bikes ahead and you can walk with your spouse. Where you walk is not important, it is about taking time out together in a way that allows for conversation.

Take the Initiative

Has it been a while since you have made love? Sometimes this happens in a relationship, especially after the birth of a baby, when the children are sick or when one spouse has been sick for a while. Sometimes couples just end up as friends, sharing the same house and even bed, but the romance is missing.

Think about what your spouse likes when it comes to lovemaking. What was it that turned them on? Sometimes it is as simple as just reaching over and touching your spouse in that special place, a gentle caress. Maybe they have been waiting for you to take the initiative in the bedroom, waiting for a sign that you want them too.

You may like to try something a little bit new and different, wearing a nice new negligee for example. However, most couples know what each other likes and it is best not to try too hard to be different.

Focus on giving your spouse pleasure, and try not to think about getting pleasure back for yourself. You will find that this is much more likely to spark the embers of the romance and build the flames of passion again.

Compliment Your Spouse

When was the last time you told your spouse how much you appreciate something they do. Even thanking them for cooking dinner and complimenting them on creating a great meal can make a real difference to your spouse.

Think about giving your spouse the words of encouragement they deserve.
If it has been a long time between compliments, your spouse will treasure your words of affirmation even more.

Expressing your appreciation for your spouse will also encourage you to feel more warmly towards them.This will help you to feel more romantic towards them yourself. Make a list of all the things you appreciate or admire about your spouse.

You may be surprised at the length of that list once you really get started on it. Then make an effort to give them at least one compliment a day for a month. After the first week, as they recover from the surprise, you’ll probably find you start receiving some compliments back yourself. After that, it is easy to fan the flames of passion back into your relationship.

Do Acts of Service

If your spouse has been asking you to paint the ceiling, mow the lawn, or even something as simple as taking the garbage out, make time to perform this task. They will see you doing what they wanted and love you for it.

Try each of these things and romance will definitely blossom for you again. You may just like to try a couple of these ideas at first. Remember that often romance comes and goes in a cycle throughout a long-term relationship and give it time. You may not change the way your spouse reacts to you immediately.

You Can Get Romance Back Into Your Relationship!

Don’t give up: romance is indeed still possible and could be right around the corner for you both. In the meantime, enjoy your spouses company as your best friend. When romance blossoms again, you will have the firm foundation of friendship to thoroughly enjoy the romance!

By Hayley Hunkin

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Yes, romance and passion can indeed be rekindled. I'd suggest adding a few seconds to those "hello and goodbye" kisses. A lingering kiss rather than a peck. It's amazing how a relationship can be transformed in only ten seconds!

Diana Daffner
Author, Tantric Sex for Busy Couples: How to Deepen Your Passion in Just Ten Minutes a Day

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