RELATIONSHIP TIP OF THE WEEK: Check For Leakage

[Amy Warren, LMHC / WQ Mag Columnist]

If you’ve had a bad day or if you are upset or in a bad mood for whatever reason, check to make sure it doesn’t leak out on your partner. Checking for leakage means that you acknowledge your own negative feelings and make sure that no one else has to feel the toxic energy of them. No one else should have to tip toe around you or be careful of what they talk about because you’re having a bad day. I’m willing to bet that at this very moment images are coming to mind of those times when you walk on eggshells around your partner for fear of an eruption because he’s already in a bad mood—those times when you can just feel the angry energy pulsating in the room and you know that just one word could send him into a tirade. But, take a moment to check your own ability to contain your own negative feelings.

When you are upset about something, how do you react? Does anyone else have to feel the toxicity of it? Women are often more covert with their negative feelings, but there is toxicity in silent withdrawals just as there is toxicity when someone overtly seethes.

Next time, you are in a bad mood, talk about it as you simultaneously contain it. By that I mean, use your partner as a sounding board, but don’t let the energy of your negative feelings drip all over your partner as you talk about it. Conversely, don’t let the negative energy leak out as you don’t talk about it. If you’re the one having a bad day, be the one to do the tip-toeing so that you don’t stomp on anyone else with your negative feelings. When you check for leaks, your bad day never has to become someone else’s bad day.

Amy Warren is Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Master Certified Relational Life Therapist in private practice. Send your relationship questions to [e-mail],and they will be answered on the website.