Ingredients Of Intimacy

Most people associate being “intimate” with sex, but true intimacy consists of much more than sex. Intimacy has also been referred to as “into-me see” meaning that in order to be intimate with another person, you must allow them to see who you truly are. Therefore, a prerequisite for intimacy is knowing oneself. Developing a sense of self includes knowing what you like and don’t like, having interests and goals in life that are not determined by someone else, and knowing what you feel. So consider knowing yourself as the foundation of intimacy upon which all of the additional ingredients build to form healthy, fulfilling and true intimacy.

As you read the following list of ingredients of intimacy, evaluate which ones are present and which ones are missing in your current relationship. If you are not in relationship, remember these ingredients as the basis for a full relationship the next time around.
*Knowledge,development and sharing of self: Stating what you like and don’t like, what you feel, what you want, and what you need. Supporting each other’s personal growth.
* Emotional sharing: Mutual sharing of innermost thoughts and feelings, confiding in one another, listening and empathizing.
* Communicating: Being honest, authentic, respectful and forthright. Giving feedback that is constructive.
* Partnering: Supporting each other and sharing the responsibilities of life, such as parenting, and household tasks. Having each other’s backs.
* Managing Crises Together: Supporting each other and working together to overcome life’s crises.
* Commitment: Jointly, demonstrating a dedication and devotion to the relationship. It’s the willingness to go the extra mile to do your part to work through any issues that arise between you – to stay the course
* Recreational sharing: Enjoying leisure time together through common interests, fun activities, sports, or hobbies.
* Intellectual sharing: Sharing of ideas, talking about what’s happening in the world, philosophizing, discussing viewpoints, and respecting the differences between you.
* Spiritual intimacy: Sharing spiritual or religious beliefs and practices, sharing similar values and morals. Supporting one another’s sense of purpose in life.
* Physical intimacy: Showing affection independent of sex --holding hands, hugging, cuddling. Engaging in physical activities together like exercise or sports.
* Sexual intimacy: Allowing self-abandonment and the sharing and merging of fantasies and desires to connect as one. Respecting each other’s sexual limits.

If any of these ingredients are missing from your relationship, then make an effort to develop them. Like any recipe, the best relationships include all of the ingredients. Rate each ingredient on a scale of one to ten and strive to make all of the ingredients become tens. As scores are increased, superficial relationships are transformed into deep and meaningful relationships, and souls connect with one another.

By Amy Warren, LMHC

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