Social Etiquette Tip of the Week - Dining with Napkins

[Maria Brady]

I was having lunch with the owner of a boutique linen rental company recently and, when the topic of my social etiquette tips came up, she said emphatically, "You must write about the napkin!" She then told me that quite often her linens, especially napkins, are returned in terrible condition.

As a wedding planner, I usually have a clear vantage point from which to watch people dine so, at a recent event I decided to observe the way people dined with their napkins. I watched as some people waved them around like flags before landing them in their laps. They were using them to wipe off lipstick, mop up spilled red wine and even as a depository for bites of food they didn't want to swallow. One gentleman even used it as a handkerchief. I observed as a guest carefully ground her napkin into the chocolate/raspberry sauce left on her plate. It looked more like a fraternity party than a wedding…which brings me to this week’s etiquette tip.

What is the correct way to use a napkin and…what are napkins not used for?

Immediately upon being seated place the dinner napkin in your lap, folded in half, with the fold towards you (a luncheon napkin is much smaller and would be opened all the way). Never place it back on the table until the very end of the meal…ever! If you must leave the table, place the napkin on your chair, to indicate to the server that you will be returning, and push your chair under the table. At the end of the meal place your loosely folded napkin to the left of your place setting. The most appropriate time to do this is as everyone is rising from the table. Don’t neatly refold the napkin and never put it on your plate. If, during the course of the meal, a napkin falls on the floor ask the server to bring you another one.

The napkin is for dabbing your mouth… not for serious wiping - Use the napkin to lightly blot your mouth. Ladies with lipstick should dab only the corners of the mouth. Lipstick on napkins is most unattractive and many lipstick stains cannot be removed. Never ball up a napkin.

A napkin is not a handkerchief - Don’t use it to blow your nose or wipe sweat off your face. Instead, excuse yourself and go to the washroom to do the necessary. Do not use the napkin to blot or wipe your lipstick, use a tissue instead.

A napkin is not a bib – Unless you are under the age of five, never tuck the napkin under your chin or into your belt.

A napkin is not a depository - Your napkin is not a place to hide a bite of food you cannot swallow. That should be removed from your mouth, with your thumb and forefinger, and placed on your plate.

So what’s the deal with these do's and don’ts? Again, it all goes back to having good manners and respect. Would you want to be the waiter who must handle the napkin that was someone's personal hankie? Regarding lipstick, red wine and chocolate…just think of having to do the laundry. Many of these stains are impossible to remove and the napkin must be discarded. So, the next time you are dining with napkins, know that you have it under control. It will be noticed and respect will be your reward!

[Val Filipski]

OK, no chocolate on the napkin - I'll use my sleeve!

Interesting tidbit about not using the napkin to discard food. That's what my mom taught me - guess she was wrong on this one. Makes sense too in light of today's health concerns.

[Bonnie Gray]

I always enjoy your blogs. :)

[Pat Krohmer]

Loved your comments on the Napkin! I too work social events as Bartender On Call. Whether I am in a client's home or in a fabulous venue, I see the same behavior you have described. Yours should be a must read; let's get back to the best of table manners!