RELATIONSHIP TIP OF THE WEEK: Eliminate "I disagree"

[Amy Warren, LMHC / WQ Mag Columnist]

Make a decision to eliminate “I disagree” form your relationship. It’s an inflammatory statement which almost never leads to a positive outcome. The purpose is generally to make the other person wrong and convince him to join your side. Does that seem loving?

You don’t need to agree with your partner on everything. And if you think you do, you have probably lost your sense of self in the relationship. Agree to disagree. It doesn’t hurt you to have differing views, unless it’s a deal-breaking moral or value. Listening and asking questions about a partner’s differing opinion is a way of getting to know them better and connecting on a deeper level.If you feel compelled to offer a countering statement, here are some relational ways of expressing it:

• “That’s interesting that you see it that way. Here’s the way I see it….”
• “I don’t remember it that way. I remember…so that’s why I reacted the way I did.”
• “I agree with….Here’s a way we differ…..”

As you agree to disagree and eliminate “I disagree” from your relationship, notice how the conflicts in your relationship diminish.