RELATIONSHIP TIP OF THE WEEK: Let Your Anger Be Known

[Amy Warren, LMHC / WQ Mag Columnist]

Did any of you bristle when you read this tip? Many people are uncomfortable expressing anger. Most people express it poorly. Often, anger is expressed in indirect ways –an exasperated or harsh tone, silent withdrawal, sulking or a sarcastic remark. When anger is expressed indirectly, the other person involved feels the anger, but is clueless as to what triggered the reaction. What is being unspoken often feels like rejection. The other person can not apologize, take responsibility or correct the situation unless he knows the reasons behind your anger.

When a person’s apparent anger is addressed, the response is often “I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed….irritated….annoyed.” These are all forms of anger. Some people only seem to identify anger as anger when it is loud. Even when anger is mild, express it so that repair can occur.

Let the reasons behind your anger be known. You will enable your partner to come through for you. The key is to express anger appropriately. A good guideline is to use to a normal tone and begin with saying “I’m feeling some anger right now because….”

Amy Warren is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Master Certified Relational Life Therapist. She counsels individual and couples in her private practice in Sarasota and nationwide by phone.