Dear Coach: Reversing a Negative Rut with the Happiness "Snowball"

[Rev. Dr. Christina Winsey]

Dear Coach:

I have had a number of things happen to me this year. I have always been a happy person but because of the intense challenges – both emotional and health-wise - that have happened I have had a really difficult time feeling good about much of anything. In fact I have found myself in a rut. It feels like a spiral of negative that I can’t seem to get out of. I don’t sleep well, am unproductive at work and have little motivation. It’s as if someone has just let the “air out of my balloon,” so to speak. Do you have any words of assistance?

Signed,

Living in a rut

Dear Living in a rut:

It isn’t unusual for someone to get “down” or feel stymied when a series of unpleasant challenges occur. In fact there is a very important thing to be aware of, as I mentioned in one of my recent blogs on stress – that if too many high stress challenges occur within a 12-month period it can be almost too much for anyone without taking some kind of toll emotionally, mentally or physically.

How do you reverse a negative “spiral” down into a rut? So much easier said than done it would seem. As with anything, it takes intentional and strong effort to get the proverbial “ball rolling” in the opposite direction towards positivity, optimism and happiness – productivity and the like. I think of it as the happiness “snowball.” Here’s the analogy:

Frosty snow makes snowballs because each icy flake attracts and holds the others. You scoop up a handful of snow and pack the flakes into a hard, round, compact ball. Individually, the snowflakes are delicate and have little impact – in fact the wind blows them wherever it wills. But packed into a hard icy ball, if you’ve ever been in a snowball fight, you know they pack a wallop! Kind of like a drop of water creating a ripple effect in the stream too.

Your thoughts are very similar. Random thoughts of happiness, in and of themselves give you passing moments of happiness. They are “blown by the wind.” But “practiced” happiness means deliberately choosing thoughts about things that keep you smiling. You look for things to feel good about – happy or grateful. One thought of happiness begets another and another. They become like that scoop of icy snow that you then pack into a walloping, strong snowball. It can knock the negative thoughts out through choice.

It doesn’t mean you ignore that negative things have happened. It doesn’t mean you don’t mourn, or attend to needs. That time of “licking your wounds,” so to speak, is critical and needed. But then, if you want to have a quality life, you have no choice but to pick yourself up and get going.

Most people aren’t as used to happiness as they seem to be with negativity. The news is negative, pessimism and worry are prevalent in this economy and the World situation in general. There is much we could stay negative and gloomy about without much provocation. But there is no solution in the pessimistic view, nor is there a positive experience of life. There will always be unpleasant things to deal with along the “road” of life. How you handle them, and the mental attitude you keep determines whether you stay stuck in a rut or still live with joy and optimism despite it all.

My favorite quote, which reminds me I never have ANYTHING to complain about, is by Victor Frankel, an incredible man who survived the absolute horrors of the concentration camps. One marvels at a heart and soul of a man who can endure such inhumanity and still have such profound strength of character:

“Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.”

No one said it was easy. It takes being deliberateness and mindfulness – a driving desire to remain happy. What you may not know is that emotions are linked to brain chemicals that can be addictive (recommended movie “What the Bleep Do We Know,” or recommended reading: Candace Pert, Ph.D. “The Molecules of Emotion.”

Practiced happiness isn’t being a Pollyanna. It doesn’t mean you aren’t aware of the negative issues in life, but you do get to choose how much and how long you focus on the negative versus the positive. There are some key tools and ways to “run your own brain” and if you’d like to learn how to deliberately choose the positive, click here for a free, 25 minute “happiness” coaching session: http://www.theicandoctor.com/form1.html

Start with one good thing to smile about. Sometimes just thinking about the fact that I have all of my fingers, toes, eyes working, ears, teeth – that puts me into such gratitude and appreciation that I go from there and just keep on going. Find even that one thing and get that happiness snowball rolling.

Good luck, and let me know how it goes.

Dr. Chris

Check out the free report and other free resources at:

www.TheICanDoctor.com

www.TheICanDoctor.com/freedomwellnesscenter.html

[Diana Daffner]

Yes, I live on Siesta Key. I lead Intimacy Retreats with my husband (www.IntimacyRetreats.com) and sporadically maintain a blog called Into-Me-See at www.DianaDaffner.com. We've been here almost 20 years.

I see from your profile that you're a chiropractor and that we have similar taste in movies!

[Rev. Dr. Christina Winsey]

Agreed, Diana. Recounted by you very well and it is an inspiring story I've watched (starring Haley Mills) many times. I was using it as a well-known phrase or adjective that connotates sort of "white-washing" over everything and not acknowledging what's truly there. I'm so glad you liked the article. Are you here in Sarasota, FL?

[Diana Daffner]

Great article, thanks. But why wouldn't you want to be like Polyanna? Seems the original story (the novel, Polyanna, by Eleanor H. Porter) has gotten misunderstood, or forgotten through the years. Actually, Polyanna would agree totally with your snowflake/snowball approach. What she does in the novel is teach people to play the "glad game" which her father had taught her. She was a poor minister's daughter and the only belongings she had came from charity. Once, when the only thing that arrived in the chairty box was a pair of crutches (no doll, no jacket, no shoes), her father suggested that she find something to nonetheless be glad about. What could you be glad about in such a situation? Polyanna decided to be glad that she didn't need the crutches!
And so she taught others to find something to be glad about, regardless of their circumstances. Sounds like "practiced happiness" to me!
Diana
www.DianaDaffner.com