Three Essentials to Combat Stress & Balance Life

[Rev. Dr. Christina Winsey]

Dear Coach:

In the past year I have gotten a divorce, moved to a new city and had to find new employment after working for the same company for 15 years, and my financial picture, as you would guess, hasn’t been great considering lawyers for the divorce, moving and job loss. Ugh! Some would say “you’re starting over with a clean slate,” or, “you can only go up from here.” I say, “Help! I can’t take much more!” I’d like to turn this all around and feel good about my life, but between the fatigue, finances and just plain feeling overwhelmed, I don’t even know where to start. I’m depressed and beginning to think I’m actually losing it. I don’t know how to turn this around and I’m really getting frightened.

Can’t take anymore!

Dear "Can’t:"

You have just described at least 3 or 4 of the top 20 stressors there are: 1. Divorce, 2. Loss of job, 3. Financial problems, 4. Moving to a new location. If all of these have occurred within the same (or nearly the same) twelve month period then you aren’t "losing it," you are stressed beyond the limits of what anyone should have to deal with! Life isn't always fair.

Have great compassion for yourself. Instead of mentally beating yourself up about feeling overwhelmed, don't you deserve self-love and understanding? What would you tell a close friend or loved one?

Let’s look at three essential things you can do to help yourself. By no means is this everything you can do to help yourself. But these three key steps may be just the catalysts to take you out of the rut and overwhelm and lift you to a happier state – one in which you cope better and eventually thrive.

1. Take Immediate Feel-Good Measures.

Often, when you’ve been through so much and had so much to do to keep everything going, you don’t think you are “allowed” to take any time out for fun, laughter and R&R. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is, in fact, forgetting about those things that bring you joy, under the guise of “no time – too busy,” that contributes to dragging you down even further.

No one enjoys living a life that is nothing but duty. After all you’ve been through it may seem as though there isn’t all that much to be joyful about. No one said you can’t take some time to “lick your wounds” and acknowledge just how much you’ve had to go through. It is appropriate to acknowledge your feelings and to honor yourself in a sort of mourning period, if you will.

Put a time limit on it and when that time is up, make joy a priority. Make a list of what brings you joy and happiness. It could be a walk in the sunshine, a child’s smile, or even your favorite comedy. Spend moments really appreciating and experiencing the joy of the little things. Find more and more things to be joyful about. Spend time engaging in those activities that fill your heart and your soul.

2. Reassess: When starting with new clients who are dealing with stress and who want to learn how to balance their lives we do an exercise called the “pie of life.” It is a graphic visual aid to assisting you in seeing how you want your life to be and how it actually is. Often, the overwhelm comes because you just don’t know where to start making changes – it all seems urgent and important. The “Pie of life” exercise assists you in breaking it down to see what really needs attention first.

You draw a circle on a paper (probably about at least 6 inches in diameter. Then divide that pie into the sections. Each section represents a key life area and about what percentage of your time and energy you want to spend in it.

For example, let’s just choose the top five life areas that make sense to most people:

a. Family, b. Spiritual life, c. Self-care, d. Career achievements/Business, e. Financial

Now divide the pie chart and decide on what percentage of time you want to spend in each category. Never mind what you think is possible. Just decide how you want your life to look.

Then draw another pie. This pie represents how you are actually spending your time right now. That is key. You have to come to terms with how things really are before you can change them.

What is most out of balance? For instance, perhaps you want 15% of your time for self-care and currently you’re giving it 3%. That’s some pretty serious information.

Don’t get overwhelmed with the exercise. Realize that turning things around is a process. Meanwhile,

3. Create Connections

Whatever your spiritual belief, connect with that higher power. Whatever people in your life who love and support you, let them! Don’t feel guilty. Are there support groups in your area? Or is there a therapist who might help you through? Are there groups that gather to do joyful activities you enjoy (i.e., photography groups or book clubs)? Join one. Connect and focus on others.

You will find renewal of your own energies, and a changed focus.

Life isn't fair, and s-t happens - sometimes far more than we ever thought could. The difference between those who thrive and those who barely survive depends on how you handle the s-t that happens to you.

Think of it this way. If there are two people in traffic - neither can move the traffic is so thick, and both people are late to a very important appointment. One driver is cursing, hitting the steering wheel, and maybe yelling has her secretary on the phone. The other driver may have called to advise that they are delayed, that it is beyond their control and they are singing to music.

Which person will you be? It makes all the difference.

Have compassion for yourself! Then don't be afraid to ask for support in picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and deciding just where you want to "start all over again."

Go to it!

Dr. Chris

Dr. Chris offers free consultations to her readers. Mention WQMagazine online and get an extra bonus, free! Call 941-914-2433 or visit www.TheICanDoctor.com